Ted Haggard Jokes
Tuesday October 31, 2006
"Ted Haggard, the minister who was caught with a gay prostitute, has just finished a three-week sex addiction program. He says he is now 'completely heterosexual.' Haggard says he will prove he is completely heterosexual by having sex only with men who are completely heterosexual" --Conan O'Brien
"Good news for Reverend Ted Haggard. Remember him? He was the President of the National Association of Evangelicals, who resigned last fall after he admitted fondness for gay men and meth amphetamines. After the scandal, he checked himself into Gay-A, which is increasingly popular. And it looks like things worked out great [on screen: reports that Haggard is now completely heterosexual following three weeks of intensive counseling]. ... As a final test, he was forced to spend two grueling hours in a sauna with O-Town" --Jimmy Kimmel
"I have some sad news for the gays, as they're referred to. Unfortunately, they have lost one of their own this evening -- Ted Haggard, the evangelical preacher, who as you know, was caught doing meth and f**king dudes. The Denver Post is reporting that he is now 'completely heterosexual.' ... People say how did they ... turn this clearly gay man into a heterosexual? It's very simple. You know when you were a kid and your father caught you smoking. Then he decided to make you smoke a carton. Ted's been a busy boy." --Jon Stewart
"Reverend Ted Haggard, president of the 30 million member National Association of Evangelicals, resigned his post this weekend after admitting to a three-year relationship with a gay hooker. Oh, and he also used and purchased crystal meth. Because if you're the head of a gay-hating organization and you're having a gay affair, why not go nuts?" --Jon Stewart
"Haggard was exposed by a male escort named Mike Jones, who said he was troubled by the hypocrisy of Haggard's public support for a Colorado initiative to ban same-sex marriage. And you know you're in trouble when you've ceded the moral high ground to a drug-dealing prostitute." --Jon Stewart
"This is a good rule for life: Look for whoever is the most against anything and you can almost guarantee they are that something they are against. The guy who devotes his life to fighting gay rights is gay. The guy working to pass the laws against child pornography is sending sex messages to teenage interns." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The leader of a Christian group has resigned after allegations surfaced that he frequently paid a man for sex. People are shocked because this guy's always been a critic of gay marriage. In defense, the Christian leader said, 'Hey, it's not like I married the guy.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Ted Haggard, the leader of the largest evangelical organization in America, resigned because a gay male prostitute said that he and the reverend had been having lots of meth amphetamine-fueled sex. Now the reverend did the Christian thing earlier this week and denied it. Now he says, 'Okay, I did hire a gay male prostitute, but only for a massage.' To which Mark Foley said, 'I'm even calling this one b***sh*t." --Bill Maher
"Drugs? Nude massages? Is it getting to where you can't tell the Protestant clergy from a Catholic priest?" --Bill Maher
"Over the weekend, Haggard released a statement saying he's a deceiver and a liar. See to me, I think it's way too soon to announce you're going into politics." --Jay Leno
"Pastor Ted Haggard ... has compared his gay sex scandal to John Kerry's botching of a joke last week. You think they're the same? To be fair, they both involved a slip of the tongue." --Jay Leno
"Pastor Ted Haggard, who has close ties to the Bush administration, has resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals after a gay male hooker said he had a three-year paid relationship with him. In fact, this is such a huge crisis for Republicans they are now offering John Kerry $1 million to tell another joke." --Jay Leno
"They say (Haggard) used church funds to pay for the male prostitute. That's like robbing Paul to pay for Peter." --Jay Leno
Read today's late-night jokes...
• Related: Mark Foley Jokes | Pedophile Priest Jokes | Political Sex Scandals
"Good news for Reverend Ted Haggard. Remember him? He was the President of the National Association of Evangelicals, who resigned last fall after he admitted fondness for gay men and meth amphetamines. After the scandal, he checked himself into Gay-A, which is increasingly popular. And it looks like things worked out great [on screen: reports that Haggard is now completely heterosexual following three weeks of intensive counseling]. ... As a final test, he was forced to spend two grueling hours in a sauna with O-Town" --Jimmy Kimmel
"I have some sad news for the gays, as they're referred to. Unfortunately, they have lost one of their own this evening -- Ted Haggard, the evangelical preacher, who as you know, was caught doing meth and f**king dudes. The Denver Post is reporting that he is now 'completely heterosexual.' ... People say how did they ... turn this clearly gay man into a heterosexual? It's very simple. You know when you were a kid and your father caught you smoking. Then he decided to make you smoke a carton. Ted's been a busy boy." --Jon Stewart
"Reverend Ted Haggard, president of the 30 million member National Association of Evangelicals, resigned his post this weekend after admitting to a three-year relationship with a gay hooker. Oh, and he also used and purchased crystal meth. Because if you're the head of a gay-hating organization and you're having a gay affair, why not go nuts?" --Jon Stewart
"Haggard was exposed by a male escort named Mike Jones, who said he was troubled by the hypocrisy of Haggard's public support for a Colorado initiative to ban same-sex marriage. And you know you're in trouble when you've ceded the moral high ground to a drug-dealing prostitute." --Jon Stewart
"This is a good rule for life: Look for whoever is the most against anything and you can almost guarantee they are that something they are against. The guy who devotes his life to fighting gay rights is gay. The guy working to pass the laws against child pornography is sending sex messages to teenage interns." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The leader of a Christian group has resigned after allegations surfaced that he frequently paid a man for sex. People are shocked because this guy's always been a critic of gay marriage. In defense, the Christian leader said, 'Hey, it's not like I married the guy.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Ted Haggard, the leader of the largest evangelical organization in America, resigned because a gay male prostitute said that he and the reverend had been having lots of meth amphetamine-fueled sex. Now the reverend did the Christian thing earlier this week and denied it. Now he says, 'Okay, I did hire a gay male prostitute, but only for a massage.' To which Mark Foley said, 'I'm even calling this one b***sh*t." --Bill Maher
"Drugs? Nude massages? Is it getting to where you can't tell the Protestant clergy from a Catholic priest?" --Bill Maher
"Over the weekend, Haggard released a statement saying he's a deceiver and a liar. See to me, I think it's way too soon to announce you're going into politics." --Jay Leno
"Pastor Ted Haggard ... has compared his gay sex scandal to John Kerry's botching of a joke last week. You think they're the same? To be fair, they both involved a slip of the tongue." --Jay Leno
"Pastor Ted Haggard, who has close ties to the Bush administration, has resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals after a gay male hooker said he had a three-year paid relationship with him. In fact, this is such a huge crisis for Republicans they are now offering John Kerry $1 million to tell another joke." --Jay Leno
"They say (Haggard) used church funds to pay for the male prostitute. That's like robbing Paul to pay for Peter." --Jay Leno
Read today's late-night jokes...
• Related: Mark Foley Jokes | Pedophile Priest Jokes | Political Sex Scandals
Comments
GAY AND LESBIAN ORGANIZATIONS AT THE VERY LEAST SHOULD EXTEND A HELPING HAND TO MR. JONES FOR THE VERY DIFFICULT DECISION THAT HE MADE TO EXPOSE THE HYPOCRISY THAT TED HAGGARD AND HIS ILK HAS ARE PRACTISING. THIS KIND OF PEOPLE ARE THE ONE THAT PERPETUATES THE STEREOTYPES OF GAYS AND LESBIANS AS SINNERS .THINK OF THE MILLIONS OF LIVES THAT THESE HYPOCRITICAL EVANGELICALS HAVE DESTROYED AND ONE WOULD REALIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF EXPOSING THIS PATHETIC HYPOCRIT WHO HIMSELF IS A WRETCHED VICTIM OF THE GOSPEL OF HATE AND IGNORANCE.
HITLER WAS ABLE TO MURDER 6 MILLION JEWS BECAUSE FOR CENTURIES EVIL ‘CHRISTIANS’ HAVE DEMONIZED AND MARGINALIZED JEWS AS JESUS KILLER TO THE POINT THAT THE AVERAGE GERMAN IN THE STREET WAS ABLE TO VICTIMIZE AND OPPRESS JEWS WITH IMPUNITY WITH THE APPROVAL OF THE CHURCH.SEXUAL MINORITIES HAVE BEEEN DEMONIZED AND MARGINALIZED FOR CENTURIES BY WICKED AND EVIL ‘CHRISTIANS’ PROVOKING VIOLENCE AND OPPRESSION OF GAYS AND LESBIANS AND TRANSGENDERS EVEN TO THIS DAY AND AGE. THESE PEOPLE WHO CLAIM TO BE FOLLOWERS OF JESUS CHRIST CANNOT EVEN PRACTISE THE MOST IMPORANT COMMANDMENT OF JESUS : LOVE GOD WITH ALL YR HEART AND IMMEDIATELY LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR(GAY OR STRT) WITH ALL YR HEART. THEY ARE CONSTANTLY OBSESSED WITH SEX, GENDER AND GENITALS ..WHICH PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP THE CORE MORALITY OF THESE SO CALLED CHRISTIANS, NEVERMIND THAT MILLIONS OF CHILDREN GO TO BED HUNGRY, AND MILLIONS OF ORPHANS ROAM THE STREET AND MILLIONS MORE DIE FROM HUNGER AND POVERTY WHILE THE DRIVE TO THEIR AIRCONDITIONED MEGACHURCHES IN THEIR GAS GUZZLING FOSSIL FUEL BURNING SUV’S AND FOOLISHLY IMAGINE THAT THEY ARE FOLLOWING THE COMMANDMENTS OF JESUS SINGING THEIR LITTLE HYMNS AND RAILING AGAINST GAYS AND LESBIANS WHILE THE MILLIONS OF ANIMALS ARE SLAUGHTERED AND TORTURED ALL OVER THE WORLD ( CHECK OUT ‘EARTHLINGS’ IN GOOGLE VIDEO), AND MILLIONS OF OTHERS SUFFER FROM DAY TO DAY WITH NARRY A MORSEL TO EAT , NOR A ROOF TO SHELTER THEM,OR A SHRED OF CLOTHING TO COVER THEIR NAKED BODIES…..AND HERE IN THE LAND OF PLENTY THE EEEVAANGELICALS OBSESS WITH THEIR NEIGHBOURS SEXUALITY, GENDER AND GENITALS ……ARE YOU ‘CHRISTIAN FOLKS’ FOR REAL ??????
I AM TOTALLY SHOCKED AT THE LACK OF OFFICIAL SUPPORT FOR MR. JONES FROM THE GAY AND LESBIAN OFFICIALDOM. ARE YOU ALL FOR REAL ?
ANJO
ANGRY HETERO HUMAN SECULARIST