Now that Willard Mitt Romney has dropped out of the presidential race, no one will miss him more than David Letterman. He's been mocking Romney with wicked glee in recent weeks for his matinee-idol looks. A few highlights:
"He looks like the photo that comes with the frame … He looks like a tennis pro at a restricted country club.... He looks like the guy who tells you how to buy real estate with no money down ... He looks like the owner of the steakhouse who keeps interrupting dinner to find out how things are going … He looks like an American President in a Canadian movie ... He looks like the guy on the 'Just For Men' bottle ... Mitt looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping … He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial."
Watch a video highlight reel, plus read more of Letterman's Mitticisms below...
"Mitt looks like a guy modeling briefs on a package of underwear … Mitt looks like a guy who said he met Marge on eHarmony … Mitt looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes … Mitt looks like a guy who tries to sign you up for Herbalife … Mitt looks like a Beverly Hills cop … He looks like a golf commentator fired for an off-the-cuff remark … Mitt looks like a guy who forgot to remove his teeth whitening strip … Mitt looks like the maitre d' who tells you your table's not ready." –David Letterman
"Don't worry about Mitt. He can always go back to playing Dr. Miles Windgate on General Hospital. ... Mitt looks like the guy your mother points to and says why can't you be more like him. ... He looks like a former Tarzan. ... Mitt looks like a Tom Cruise handler. ... Mitt looks like a tour guide at the Nixon Library. Mitt looks like the guy that shows you around Total Fitness. ... Mitt looks like the honorary mayor of Sherman Oaks. ... Mitt looks like the guy who shakes your hand too hard. ... Mitt looks like the guy who has a crease in his jeans." --David Letterman"
"How about that Mitt Romney? ... He looks like the guy that would approve your check at a supermarket. ... He looks like the piano player at an upscale department store. ... He looks like a guy who winks when he shakes your hand. ... He looks like a guy who is married to an over the hill actress. ... He looks like a guy who would brag about his cholesterol. ... He looks like the owner of the steakhouse who keeps interrupting dinner to find out how things are going" --David Letterman
"Don't worry about Mitt, if this presidential thing doesn't work out he can always go back to playing Victor Newman on the 'Young and the Restless.' ... Mitt Romney doesn't look like a president, he looks like a ringmaster. … Mitt looks like a guy wearing a golf shirt in an Eddie Bauer catalogue. … He looks like the desk clerk at a Peninsula Hotel who tells you your room's not ready. … Mitt looks like the guy at a party who gives you his card. … He looks like a tennis pro at a restricted country club. … He looks like a jet blue pilot who comes out to greet the passengers during the delay. ... Mitt Romney looks like the guy who says to the contestant, 'We're out of time, can you come back tomorrow?'" --David Letterman
"The Florida retirees didn't go for that Mitt Romney, either. He reminded them of a guy who tries to get a hold of their nest egg. ... He reminded them of a guy who sells subdivisions in the Everglades. ... He reminded them of the guy who pitches overpriced cemetery plots. ... He reminded them of the pharmacist who doesn't accept their prescription plan." --David Letterman
"How about that Mitt Romney, am I right about this guy? ... I mean, he looks like the guy on TV selling life insurance, doesn't he? ... He looks like that guy on a Father's Day ad for Norelco. ... He looks like a guy on cable urging you to tap your home equity. ... He looks like an American President in a Canadian movie. ... He looks like the medical expert in a Victoria Principal infomercial. ... He looks like the spokesman for senior lending networks. ... He looks like the guy who promises accident victims he'll get the money they deserve. ... He looks like the guy on the 'Just For Men' bottle" --David Letterman
"How about that Mitt Romney, huh? I mean, this guy looks like he'd be selling fruit dehydrators on cable. ... He looks like the guy who tells you how to buy real estate with no money down. ... He looks like a cosmetic surgeon who gets ambushed on '60 Minutes.' ... He looks like the photo that comes with the frame. ... By the way, if Mitt Romney is elected, he'll be the first president ever sworn in on a copy of GQ." --David Letterman
"What about that Mitt Romney? He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping. He looks like a weekend weather man, doesn't he? He looks like the neighbor who spends way too much time on his lawn" --David Letterman
"Mitt Romney looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership. ... Mitt Romney looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial." --David Letterman
Read more Mitt Romney jokes...
See also: David Letterman's Top Ten Reasons Mitt Romney Dropped Out Of The Presidential Race
More 2008 Election Humor:
Funny Mitt Romney Pictures
Dumb Mitt Romney Quotes
Late-Night Jokes about the Candidates
Best Campaign Humor
(Photo by David McNew/Getty Images)
Comments
This Romney supporter is undterred, even if a bit looney: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70T4mLnk1Dk
Letterman was right on the money with his assessment of Romney! It’s not far-fetched at ALL to think of him as a modern-day “snake-oil peddler”. Look what he did to Massachusetts as governor.
He blew into the Commonwealth from…where? Being colonized by Puritans puts the descendants at a disadvantage: they’re easily dazzled both wealth, business and the vague hint of good looks (albeit contained in a marriage, however weird).
The Democratic candidate was running neck & neck UNTIL the G.D. GREEN party had to “stand tall’ (thus splitting the vote). And we got Romney, the Dumber to to Bill Weld’s “Dumb”! We got someone who wasn’t in it as an old-money Boston Brahman, but just because he had DOUGH!
He literally EVISCERATED The state, and for a place that is commonly accused of liberal paranoia, I am ASHAMED that nobody (except Letterman, apparently!) figured out JUST what Romney was (and is): a SHEISTER! A modern-day carpetbagger.
Man, even if McCain wins (and my Hillary dreams are dashed), at least we do NOT have TAX & SPEND & SPEND & SPEND (only on the rich & himself) ROMNEY in the White House!!! (I’m assuming the election is already rigged to get a Repo in there).
It’s a damn shame we won’t have Mitt Romney to kick around anymore. The comic possibilities were limitless.
My favorite ones:
Mitt looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes
He reminded them of the guy who pitches overpriced cemetery plots
He looks like a jet blue pilot who comes out to greet the passengers during the delay.
He looks like the guy on the ‘Just For Men’ bottle
He looks like the photo that comes with the frame
and the “Don’t worry about Mitt” ones
Wow, Russ and Martin, you took what was written on the same page and repeated it! lol!!!