David Letterman Mocks 'Old Man' John McCain

After spending the last few weeks ripping pretty-boy Mitt Romney, David Letterman is now slinging comic barbs at septuagenarian John McCain:

"But seriously how about that John McCain? John McCain looks like a guy whose head you can barely see over the steering wheel. ... John McCain looks like the guy who thinks the nurses are stealing his stuff. 'Dad, why would they take your socks? It doesn't make sense.'" --David Letterman

"How about that John McCain, huh? John McCain looks like the kind of guy who brags that his new denture adhesive allows him to eat corn on the cob. He looks like a guy who parked his RV overnight at Wal-Mart." --David Letterman

"How about John McCain? He looks like a guy at a restaurant that says I'm leaving 10%, that's good enough. John McCain, looks like the guy who goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself outside of the house." --David Letterman

"John McCain ... He looks like the guy that walks up to the mound to settle down a young pitcher. John McCain looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings." --David Letterman

"I like that John McCain. He looks like a guy who gets tickets for mowing under the influence. He looks like a guy with a collection of movies he bought at the car wash. He looks like a guy on the beach with a metal detector. He looks like the guy who is still confused by the phone answering machine: 'Hello, is that - hello, is that you? Larry, Larry, hello?' He looks like the guy who calls his grandson when he screws up the remote: 'Well, now all the shows are in Spanish. What am I going to do, hello?'" --David Letterman

"How about that John McCain? He looks like the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything. He looks like the guy who has to always be told something is on his chin. He looks like a guy who still has a rotary phone. He looks like a guy who's backed over his own mailbox. He looks like a guy whose sweater is always mis-buttoned. He looks like the guy who always tells you he's 72 years young. He looks like the guy who's bragged that oatmeal has lowered his cholesterol. He looks like the guy who should be co-hosting with Kelly Ripa." –David Letterman

"Hey, how about this John McCain, huh? Whoa, my gosh –- doesn't he look like the old guy at the barber shop? He looks kind of like a Wal-Mart greeter, John McCain. He kind of looks like the neighbor who says, 'Oh, that dead tree is on your property,' one of those guys. He's the guy who is always early for the early bird special, that's what he looks like. He looks like a mall walker, ladies and gentlemen. He looks like the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors. He looks like the uncle who pretends to remove his thumb." (Watch video clip)

"I like John McCain. He looks like an old guy in a coffee shop who's still complaining about the designated hitter. He looks like the guy who asks the driver if he's on the right bus. He looks like the guy who's always saying, 'What was that? Nothing? That's what I thought.'" --David Letterman

Read more John McCain Jokes...

See also:
Late-Night Political Jokes
John McCain Cartoons
Funny McCain Pictures
John McCainisms