"The governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer, has resigned. In his resignation speech, Spitzer said, 'To whom much has been given, much is expected.' Which is the same thing he said to that $5,000 hooker." --Jay Leno

"It's sad. Spitzer said there is so much left undone -- Amber, Ashley, Rhonda." --David Letterman

"Don't kid yourself, this is serious. Eliot Spitzer could go to jail. He could go to prison. Think about that. The former governor of New York can go to prison. And, well, that’ll be sex he won't have to pay for." --David Letterman

"The New York Times reported that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was a customer of a high-end prostitution ring, that the prostitutes knew him as Client #9. Client #9, yeah. Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen." --Conan O'Brien

"Eliot Spitzer was a Hillary Clinton superdelegate. ... Also, Spitzer was on Hillary Clinton's vice president list, possible running mate. Boy, she can pick 'em, can't she?" --David Letterman

"Now, here's the deal about the tryst down there in a Washington, DC, hotel -- $5,000 and a hotel room. Five grand and a hotel room. And Senator Larry Craig -- you remember Larry from Idaho? He said, 'Well, that's crazy. For two quarters, I can have a pay toilet all night.'" --David Letterman

"Spitzer's resignation is bad news for Hillary Clinton. Did you know this? It's not good for Hillary Clinton, because Eliot Spitzer is resigning as governor of New York. That means Hillary Clinton has lost another superdelegate. It's true. On the bright side, Bill Clinton has gained a super wingman." --Conan O'Brien

"Today he held another press conference he said he needed to leave to begin the difficult process of healing. Not emotionally -- his wife hit him in the face with a George Foreman Grill." --Jimmy Kimmel

"I don't want to rub it in to any of you visiting from New York, but here in California, our governor doesn't have to pay for sex. When he wants it, he takes it." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Hillary Clinton has been hinting that she and Barack Obama might share the Democratic ticket with her in the number one position. She feels Barack Obama deserves some sort of consolation prize for getting the most votes and being the most popular." --Jay Leno

"And I thought this was rubbing it in. I guess Barack called Hillary last night to tell her that he won at 3 a.m. in the morning." --Jay Leno

"Congratulations to John McCain, he wrapped up the Republican nomination this week. And we know this is official now because Mike Huckabee dropped out and said he was joining forces with John McCain. Oh, great, you've got one guy who doesn't believe in evolution, and another guy who remembers it." --Bill Maher

"Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain have all been arguing, claiming that they're the most qualified person to answer the White House phone at 3 a.m. Yeah, McCain said, 'I'm the most qualified, because I'm usually up at that hour peeing anyway.'" --Conan O'Brien

"John McCain says he's trying to find a vice presidential running mate. Not only that, McCain is also trying to find his reading glasses and his car keys. ... He's an older gentleman. That's the idea there. You'll be hearing more of those in the next nine months, because that's our take. Until he gets a whore." --Conan O'Brien

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