The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes
Sunday March 16, 2008
"I guess you heard the big news. Governor Eliot Spitzer, governor of New York, resigned today. He left his resignation on the night table with a $300 tip." --David Letterman (Read more Spitzer jokes)"Hillary Clinton has been hinting that she and Barack Obama might share the Democratic ticket with her in the number one position. She feels Barack Obama deserves some sort of consolation prize for getting the most votes and being the most popular." --Jay Leno
"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton had a private talk. Did you hear about this? They had a private discussion. They agreed to stop attacking each other so harshly. Hillary told Barack, 'We should pretend to like each other, just like Bill and I do.'" --Conan O'Brien
"With all the bad news about the economy today, John McCain started distancing himself from President Bush. In fact, McCain was running so fast from President Bush, he ran into Barack Obama, who was running from his minister, and Hillary, who was running from Geraldine Ferraro. And they all just collided." --Jay Leno
"The New York Times reported that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was a customer of a high-end prostitution ring, that the prostitutes knew him as Client #9. Client #9, yeah. Not surprisingly, clients one through eight were Charlie Sheen." --Conan O'Brien
"Today he held another press conference he said he needed to leave to begin the difficult process of healing. Not emotionally -- his wife hit him in the face with a George Foreman Grill." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Eliot Spitzer was a Hillary Clinton superdelegate. ... Also, Spitzer was on Hillary Clinton's vice president list, possible running mate. Boy, she can pick 'em, can't she?" --David Letterman
"Spitzer's resignation is bad news for Hillary Clinton. Did you know this? It's not good for Hillary Clinton, because Eliot Spitzer is resigning as governor of New York. That means Hillary Clinton has lost another superdelegate. It's true. On the bright side, Bill Clinton has gained a super wingman." --Conan O'Brien
"Now, here's the deal about the tryst down there in a Washington, DC, hotel -- $5,000 and a hotel room. Five grand and a hotel room. And Senator Larry Craig -- you remember Larry from Idaho? He said, 'Well, that's crazy. For two quarters, I can have a pay toilet all night.'" --David Letterman
"Congratulations to John McCain, he wrapped up the Republican nomination this week. And we know this is official now because Mike Huckabee dropped out and said he was joining forces with John McCain. Oh, great, you've got one guy who doesn't believe in evolution, and another guy who remembers it." --Bill Maher
"Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain have all been arguing, claiming that they're the most qualified person to answer the White House phone at 3 a.m. Yeah, McCain said, 'I'm the most qualified, because I'm usually up at that hour peeing anyway.'" --Conan O'Brien
"John McCain says he's trying to find a vice presidential running mate. Not only that, McCain is also trying to find his reading glasses and his car keys. ... He's an older gentleman. That's the idea there. You'll be hearing more of those in the next nine months, because that's our take. Until he gets a whore." --Conan O'Brien
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Comments
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If you think the national leading candidates were hitting rock bottom, Arizona has just set the bar lower, much lower. Unbeknown to cable news pundits spinning themselves silly around polls, Arizona’s Primary is destined to make history. A grouping of dark-horse candidacies has doubled the choices for our nation’s highest elected office. Historic with four women on the ballot. Project White House 08, a microcosm of the national race, offers as much passion and absurdity as any of the front-running campaigns.
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“Thank you for your support, citizen.”
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Shocking Hillary Clinton ad!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xxAVN0kWdC8
I thin Jay Leno’s joke was the best. lol Visit my blog to see more funny Political Cartoons at http://www.political-cartoons.org
I don’t know how many votes you get for American Idol, but Dancing with the Stars you get 7 and Dance Wars you get 5. In Florida’s Primary, you only get 1 vote for President, but if you are a Democrat, it doesn’t even count!
love all the pictures - say are there any conservative humorists or was Will Rogers the last?
Since ridicule is the best way to destroy a candidates integrity, I don’t suppose it matters.
It’s like a political TiVo — I can even read Leno’s jokes w/o that annoying voice.
Anyway, you’ve been included over at “Something Smells Funny” (found2bfunny.blogspot.com). Congrats! Feel free to brag to your friends.
Oh yes!
:)
McCain has enough delegates to claim the nomination. When I saw the “1191″ behind him I thought it was his birth date.
i love the humor about the election… checkout this site as well…
www.thecandidateschat.com
The only thing worse than these guys are the wives that stand by their men.
http://thecandidacy.com/2008/03/13/elliot-spitzer-is-an-ass/