Olympic Punch Lines

"China is getting ready for the Olympics. The official motto for the Olympics is 'One World, One Dream.' Restrictions Apply. Tibet Not Included." --Jay Leno

"There's excitement in the air over the Olympics...also lead, arsenic, benzene." --David Letterman

"Beijing skies are so polluted that Chinese authorities are planning emergency measures for the Olympics. For example, protesters will now only be run over with hybrid tanks." --Jay Leno

"Now you think I'm exaggerating, but they had a practice today in Beijing for the Olympics and a javelin thrower threw the javelin up into the air and it stuck." --David Letterman

"The government of China announced that it will ban restaurants from serving dog meat during the Olympics. Which gives new meaning to the phrase, 'Hello Kitty.'" --Conan O'Brien

Read more jokes about the Beijing Olympics...

See also:
Olympic Political Cartoons (About.com)
Olympic Opening Ceremonies in 1 Minute (23/6)
The Olympics Sap-o-Meter (Slate)
Poor Kobe Bryant's Olympic Dream (Slate V)
Special Olympics Update (Daily Show)
China's Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content (Borowitz Report)
Top 10 Events in the Chinese Olympiad (Will Durst)
John McCain Takes the Olympic Gold in 'Gymnastics' (Satirical Political Report)
Citing Poor Conditions, China Refuses To Send Delegation To Olympics (The Onion)