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Daniel Kurtzman

David Letterman Lampoons Sarah Palin

By September 12, 2008

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Funny Sarah Palin Pictures See Also:
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After rattling off an endless string of jokes in recent months mocking "Old Man McCain," David Letterman is now setting his sights on Sarah Palin.

McCain may look like a guy who just backed over his mailbox or the guy at the movies whose wife has to repeat everything, but how about that Sarah Palin? Here's what Letterman has been saying:

"I like that Sarah Palin. She looks like the weekend anchor on Channel 9. She looks like the hygienist who makes you feel guilty about not flossing. She looks like the relieved mom in a Tide commercial." --David Letterman

"I kind of like that Sarah Palin. You know, she reminds me, she looks like the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi. No, you've had enough. We're landing. Looks like the waitress at the coffee shop who draws a little smiley face on your check. Have a nice day." --David Letterman

"I like that Sarah Palin. She looks like the lady in the dental office who gives you the keys to the rest room. 'There you are. Just bring them right back.' She looks like my selection of the week on E-Harmony.com. Sarah Palin is a good-looking woman. She looks like the woman in the department store who tries to spray you with perfume. 'Just a little.'" --David Letterman

"I like Sarah Palin. She looks like the dip sample lady at Safeway. She looks like the nurse who weighs you and then makes you sit alone in your underwear for 20 minutes. She looks like the Olive Garden hostess who says, 'I'm sorry, your table isn't ready yet." She looks like infomercial lady who says she made $64,000 a month flipping condos." --David Letterman

"Do you like Sarah Palin? Do you kind of like her? Yeah. I like her because she looks like the lady at the bakery who yells out '44! 45!' She looks like a real estate agent whose picture you see on the bus stop bench. That's who she looks like. She looks like the lady who has a chain of cupcake stores. She looks like the mayor of a small town that's banned dancing." --David Letterman

Read more Sarah Palin jokes…

See Also: David Letterman's Riffs on Mitt Romney

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Comments

September 12, 2008 at 8:21 am
(1) Tony 201AA says:

Letterman is a partisan hack. I expect nothing more of him than these tasteless remarks.

September 12, 2008 at 11:38 am
(2) laurie says:

Hilarious! What about she looks like someone in the audience of a tv evangelist show, cheering on the preacher as he asked them for more money for his “cause”….

September 12, 2008 at 12:39 pm
(3) phil says:

I think Jon Stewart said it best. She looks like the mild-mannered and troubled librarian from every Cinemax movie.

September 12, 2008 at 5:50 pm
(4) Robert Deringer says:

Letter Man Looks like an OLD Humorist that Has LOST his Best writer(s). Is this your Best shot David ? Get a Life.

September 12, 2008 at 8:37 pm
(5) Lauria says:

Love Letterman! Hate it that Rethugs can’t take a joke!

September 13, 2008 at 9:47 am
(6) pete says:

letterman’s a riot. ms palin will give him lots of “ammo” over the nxt 2 months.

September 13, 2008 at 3:15 pm
(7) mill says:

The Republican Barbie! Who would have thought?

September 13, 2008 at 4:25 pm
(8) Rob says:

“She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she’s in high heels and a bikini.” –Jimmy Kimmel

September 16, 2008 at 7:07 pm
(9) Paul Williams says:

Letterman’s comments really get to the heart of the matter — Ms Palin is everyone’s idea of a sweet, American woman. His jokes just make her real instead of a political hack like Hill-billery.

September 17, 2008 at 1:34 pm
(10) pablo says:

Almost fell off my chair. Dave is hilarious!
She looks like the woman who poses for the tooth whitening posters in dentists offices!
Please close your mouth!

September 18, 2008 at 1:07 pm
(11) Vern Goblocvker says:

She looks like the lady who says, “this won’t hurt a bit”, and then “sweet Jesus, we’re coming home” as she presses the big red button.

September 18, 2008 at 9:21 pm
(12) Johnson says:

She looks like Little Annie Fanny in the Playboy magazine cartoon.

September 23, 2008 at 3:24 pm
(13) bigduke6 says:

What do you want? Liberals and feminists always yap about having a women in the White House. Now you have a strong woman, a woman who is the governor or the largest state in the US, and all the liberals are whining. You liberals contradict yourselves. Sarah is more qualified to be President that Barrack Obama ever will.

September 25, 2008 at 1:08 pm
(14) heehee says:

No, she is basically a man in a dress. Just because I am feminist I am not going to go into the trap and vote for something the conservatives dangle in front of me. That woman is a man disguised a woman… Feminist my butt! she ain’t no feminist! She won’t let you know do with your body whatever you want!!! Don’t fall into the trap!

September 25, 2008 at 1:08 pm
(15) Dave says:

What a joke… You leftists are like pavlovian dogs. The 1st commentator nailed it, he’s nothing more than a partisan hack. Unlike Leno who attacks people from both parties, only Republicans feel Letterman’s wrath. Too bad I supported you before I was old enough to know better. Hopefully a bus plows through your limo DL… maybe that can knock those buck teeth of yours back in place for the wake.

September 25, 2008 at 1:19 pm
(16) Dave says:

Lauria says:
Love Letterman! Hate it that Rethugs can’t take a joke!

Laura, here’s a joke for you: You’re quite intelligent! LOL

The ‘rethugs’, as you referred to them, are the only people these bullyish jokes are targeted towards. In case you’re not smart enough to understand, he’s only obnoxious towards Republicans… He puts on kid gloves for the Democrats. I won’t be childish and rename them to something else, some of us ReThugs are more mature than that.

Oh, and what in the world is David Letterman doing talking about other people’s looks? Dave Letterman looks like the offspring of Kelsey Grammer mating with a beaver…

September 26, 2008 at 6:56 pm
(17) Brent says:

Dave, settle down. These are only jokes. So he may be a lefty, who cares. Have you never heard the numerous times he’s called McCain a true hero? Besides, you would think that over the last 8 years of Bush blunders making the rounds, you’d get used to it. Obama said it best, “Phony outrage”. But don’t worry, the jokes will stop just after Nov. 4th when she can finally go back home and continue watching Putin rear his head into U.S. airspace. What a joke.
Tip to Republicans, if you don’t want the world mocking your candidates, stop making it so easy and get someone in there with substance and who will actually answer a question. And then, when asked to be more specific, repeats the same vague answer.

October 2, 2008 at 7:37 pm
(18) Dave says:

But Brent Democrat’s do it too, but difference is that they get a free pass from the TV Elitists (Oprah, Dave Letterman, Barbara Streisand, Keith Olberman, etc..) most of the time . Did we forget about Biden’s comment during the Primaries on Obama’s needing more than just OJT to be President, or what about Biden’s racist ‘Indian American’ comment on how you can’t work at a 7-11, or a Dunkin Donuts in Delaware if you don’t have an Indian accent? What a racist stereotypical comment, but since he’s not Republican there wasn’t much said about it on TV, or from the ‘news’. Seems like someone has Short Term Memory loss, don’t we Brent? Also I didn’t know that the United States has 57 states, did you? According to Obama we do. What about how Obama’s been playing the race card with how ”his opponents are trying to scare voters by saying that Barrack has a funny name, or and doesn’t look like any of the Presidents on the U.S. Currency’. What about how Biden’s past plagiarism’s? How about how Obama won’t concede that the ‘Surge’ worked? You can try and make it out to be some sort of ‘Right Wing Conspiracy’, but it’s all the same. It’s Who says it, not What’s said that matters.

October 4, 2008 at 9:33 pm
(19) Ed Meade says:

Letterman is the best. Makes me laugh to read these. I hate McCain with a passion but hate Palin even more.

October 5, 2008 at 9:33 pm
(20) Ava says:

David Letterman just isn’t funny anymore! His relentless attacts and disrespect are tired. I wish he would just stay home and collect his social security and let Craig Ferguson take over. He and all other celebrities should be advised that nobody takes them seriously and couldn’t care less about their views. Their self-importance makes us laugh! (at them and not with them)

October 5, 2008 at 11:32 pm
(21) Aileen says:

heehee mocks Gov. Palin because “she won’t let you know (sic)do with your body whatever you want.” When will you pro-abortion advocates stop the ridiculous double-speak? An unborn child is not some phantom organ, but a separate individual. Why are you liberals so outraged when America defends itself against the crazy terroists, but you see no problem with the massive genocide against completely defenseless children? Abortion can be forgiven as well as any other sin, but first it must be acknowledged.

October 17, 2008 at 4:38 am
(22) ramsay says:

Sara Palin says she is pro-life. What about the moose and bears she shoots? They have no right to life? Can she answer this one question at least?

June 9, 2009 at 10:37 pm
(23) Arianna says:

Well, David Letterman I am Sarah Palin, my mother is Sarah Palin, my sister is Sarah Palin, my neighbor and 56 million Americans are Sarah Palin. With 62 million on your side, how sad would your show have to be, to have the ratings flunk to a despair.
May be he thinks he might not be around when his daughter might get knocked up by Arod. Afterall, becoming a FATHER in your fifties has it’s benefits….

June 10, 2009 at 5:54 am
(24) Everett Carlson says:

David hit the nail on the head with his top 10 list on Monday regarding Sarah Palin. She is a horrible woman, mean, vicious and nothing but trouble for our country. I was never so happy when she and John were not chosen to lead this country. The sooner she is gone the better this country will be. She is the worst person for this country.

June 10, 2009 at 4:12 pm
(25) dinah31 says:

Letterman the guy who knocked up his own lady is trying to make humor using a 14 yr. old. What a miserable DIRTY OLD MAN. He’s the one who had a little bastard before any of the Palin’s. Look who’s calling the pot black. He’s pathetic. Since when are stewardess slutty?? I think he has a problem with powerful pretty women. He can’t get one.

June 11, 2009 at 12:15 am
(26) karen says:

you suck always dave. i so miss jay. go away dave . come back jay good guy

June 11, 2009 at 1:12 am
(27) Tres B says:

She’s beautiful and all these guys with jokes must have a thing for her.

June 11, 2009 at 1:25 am
(28) Oralia Porter says:

I agree with David, Letterman is only abnoxious when it comes to Republicans. He is pathetic. Are his rating that low that he has to resort to making jokes about Gov Palin’s daughter? He should worry about his buck teeth and quit trying to be cute with his stupid jokes. Sarah Palin is much more qualified to lead this country than the “darling of the Elitists that was elected. Liberals are in love with is charisma and his long dead speeches. The press gives these liberals a free pass. I agree that Letterman does not know how his daughter is going to turn out. How dare he take advantage of Palin’s daughter with his stupid joke. I hope the tables aren’t turned on him and his daughter gets “knocked up”. He’s pathetic, pathetic, pathetic!

Republican and proud

June 11, 2009 at 7:35 am
(29) Steve Emerick says:

Letterman go’s after someones child and thats a joke. Really not funny at all!

June 11, 2009 at 9:46 am
(30) Georgia Appleby says:

Letterman has become a disgusting perverted old person with a political agenda and hiding behind “I am a comedian.” He should be fired just like Imus was. You persons think he is hilarious should see a shrink!

June 11, 2009 at 11:26 am
(31) bsualum says:

Please people. If the palin family lived in any regular neighborhood in any state other than Alaska and wasnt in politics, she would be more of a joke than she already is. You would be saying her daugther is a little whore for getting knocked up so young and not married. You would blame the parents and talk behind her back after church. But because she is who she is, its all tasteless on Lettermans part. Give me a break. Hypocrits!!

June 11, 2009 at 12:34 pm
(32) Above Average Citizen says:

David Letterman is a pervert, no matter his sexual orientation. He does not have the right to make such comments about Palin’s daughter(s). Johnny Carson nor Jay Leno would not stoop so low. Perhaps Letterman is really bending over and turning around so that “his Bubba” can mount him.

June 11, 2009 at 7:02 pm
(33) glenna44 says:

David Letterman is ignorant. I have never liked him or looked at his show. I am lost for words he makes me so angry. I am sorry for the Palin family. A very rude man he is for sure.

June 12, 2009 at 12:23 am
(34) Elaine says:

David Letterman, you are dispecable, it is BEYOND being funny saying something so EVIL about a 14 year old girl!!! I hope you really are proud being someone your age and going to any measure to try to ruin the Palin’s reputation. However, that remains to be seen, as Sarah has more brains, talent and common sense than all of our present dishonest, personal agenda, left winged radicals in congress. Letterman, you need to wise up and realize what is off limits in your underminded attacks….that being children. Would you like some old man attacking your child in such a fierce manner?

June 12, 2009 at 4:39 am
(35) Ken Sears says:

David Letterman’s utterly sleazy attempt to pretend that the joke he told about Sarah Palin’s daughter at the baseball game WASN’T about the daughter who was at the baseball game was worthy of the sleaziest politicians he’s ever tried to mock.

And he calls his mealy-mouthed attempt to squirm out of it an “apology” (now THAT’S funny!). Some apology: “If my gross, crude remark obviously about your 14-year-old offended you, then let’s just say I was talking about your 18-year-old. Doesn’t that make it all better?”

As long as we’re on the subject of children, and as Letterman seems to feel that’s fair territory, then alright, picture this scenario….

Mr. David Letterman comes home at night, and his son comes running to greet him. His son asks, “Daddy, what kind of work do you do?” Letterman replies, “Well, sonny dear, I take gratuitous, scurrilous and depraved shots at people who’ve never done me harm – yes, lad, even at their children – in order to get cheap laughs from an audience of mindless sycophants who’ll laugh at anything I say because I’m famous and they think it makes them really cool. (They’re so dumb they don’t even know when they’re not supposed to laugh.) Wouldn’t you like to be just like your ol’ pop when you grow up, sonny boy? Sonny? … Sonny?”

A 62-year-old man still cracking junior-high-school jokes for a living…. yeah, that’s really something to look up to. Something for his son to be “proud of”.

Palin was right: PATHETIC.

June 12, 2009 at 8:43 am
(36) Thomas Straub says:

Letterman has definitely gone too far making a sick joke about a 14-year old girl. He really was “pathetic” when he tried to cover it up by saying he was referring to the 18-year old daughter, like THAT would have been excusable! Personally, I think he’s been around TV too long. He should be ashamed, for what this 62-year old earns mocking children. Go Conan!

June 12, 2009 at 9:09 am
(37) sam says:

If David Letterman thinks it is OK to make sick jokes about a 14-year old girl (and we all know it was not about the 18-year old) then by the same token, I guess he would think it’s fine to make jokes about Obama’s daughters. Let’s see him try that, so even his lefty friends would turn against him, and he would be finished. There is NOTHING funny about the joke OR the pathetic way he tried to cover it up. Man up Dave! She’s 14!!

June 12, 2009 at 12:51 pm
(38) Mr Lib says:

Letterman is washed up. He is dirty laundry. Were the most recent comments (can’t say jokes) even funny. What a stupid sense of humor. Letterman is a HAS BEEN. Couldn’t agree more with comments 36 & 37.

June 12, 2009 at 1:00 pm
(39) John says:

Yeah the Hateful left is all smiles about this hateful bitter old partisan hack taking perverted shots at Palin’s daughters.

How would the Intolerant left feel if a conservative comedian started taking shots at Obama’s wife or his daughters?!? There would be massive protests on the streets by every left wing organization like NOW, the New York Times, ABC, NBC, CBS, etc. Nothing but a bunch of guttless hypocrites.

June 12, 2009 at 1:16 pm
(40) Mr Libnot says:

Hey John – comment 39 – true, so true
my feelings exactly.

June 12, 2009 at 2:33 pm
(41) George says:

Your love of Letterman-the-vulgar appears misplaced these days.

June 12, 2009 at 6:34 pm
(42) vcorley says:

i would like sarah palin,rush limbaug ,hanity,and those other miserable republicans who hate america by blasting others to leave america and carry their negativity to places like russia,korea,china where they would wimp like puppies incarcerated.why do intelligent people continue to listen to their trash talking?.

June 12, 2009 at 9:35 pm
(43) Trudith says:

Unfortunately, no one knows what is wrong with David Letterman, he has a serous disease, and he is hoping no one learns of it. He got it out in Montana while visiting a Sheep Ranch. He was seen sneaking out of the Lodge, and into the barn where all the Ewes were; many of the cowhands wondered what he was up to.
Just about six months later his doctor consulted him and advised that he had contracted a disease – Syphilis. He begged the doctor to not disclose this, worried about his wife, his career, and his public image. The Doctor agreed to not ever mention it to anyone. But now the disease has affected his mind, and it is evident he is very Syphilitic. If you don’t know this, it affects the mind, and causes irrational behavior, violent outbursts, and mental lapses. His disease is beyond curing, as David afraid the “Media” would find out about him, his disease, and make it public, begged his veterinarian to NEVER tell anyone. He vowed to never take any medication, believing he was falsely diagnosed, the Media would find out about it, and time would take care of him and his Ewe. He has kept his distance from her, vowing to never disclose his love for her, and all she offered him in that late night rendezvouse in the barn.
That folks is why David Letterman, said what he did, feel sorry for him, his mind has left him, and he is doomed. Also, his heart health is equally in question, as he also was diagnosed with a “Cold Heart”. There is Nothing worse, than that; of course he may also have “Hoof and Mouth Disease” as well. Late last summer He was seen kissing a Jackass out in barn when the Moon was Full. Poor David no love, no heart, and no Mind. Time to ride off on his Ass and Retire!

June 12, 2009 at 11:34 pm
(44) Brian K says:

Palin is a oversensitive twit and a BIG DITS!
Makes Dan Quayle look like a genius.

Letterman is the BEST! Funny as hell !
Keep up the Good jokes Dave, I’m still laughing !

June 13, 2009 at 12:05 am
(45) eastboundanddown says:

To all of you who cry about the “commie” left (esp. “Dave”): GET A LIFE. It’s not about that; it’s about hypocricy being exposed through satire. Palin hauled her kids out in the public spotlight to espouse the “virtues of abstinence,” while her (then) 17 year-old was KNOCKED UP…face it; it’s true. As for the joke…freedom of speech, folks! If you don’t like what’s on a certain channel…CHANGE IT! If you don’t want the attention (Saraccuda, I’m lookin’ yer way, toots), don’t seek the spotlight!!!
All those bitching about Letterman probably are so uptight that the rod up their ass has a rod up its ass. And for those who think I’m some Birkenstock-wearin’, Phish-listenin’ uber-liberal, I’m not…I can actually think beyond LvR/RvD paradigms. Overall, NEITHER PARTY is reputable…wake up, people.
Personally, I think Dave Letterman is still sharp; he’s always been droll and dry with a dash of wacky (which many don’t get/don’t like…why don’tcha go watch “High School Musical,” or some other lame crap.) Safe rarely equals funny. Long live Letterman…Palin can go suck a moose antler.

June 13, 2009 at 8:02 am
(46) baf says:

palin is a dim witted moron (although she reads all publications…ALL of them), why won’t she just go away?
keep up the good work, dave!

June 13, 2009 at 6:44 pm
(47) jon says:

She seriously is not backing down. wont forgive his apology which is strong stuff. check it out here http://thecelebritycafe.com/features/28889.html

June 13, 2009 at 11:50 pm
(48) Sick of Lib's says:

It’s OK for left leaning comedians to attack people they want to tear down, but when news people make comments about them for their weird lifestyles or their geriatrics short-falls, or any other accurate observation, they are off limits. What a double standard our culture allows. What ever happened to truth and honor? Now it’s all about money and power and who controls both. They pretend to make it sound like it is about the issues, what putrid juke.

June 14, 2009 at 1:16 am
(49) Drew says:

Maybe from now on there will be a warning before every comedic show on television explaining that jokes are just that, jokes and not ment to be taken seriously.
Get a life people. Change the channel and shut up.

June 14, 2009 at 8:05 am
(50) noneofyourbusiness says:

Heehee comment:
“No, she is basically a man in a dress. Just because I am feminist I am not going to go into the trap and vote for something the conservatives dangle in front of me. That woman is a man disguised a woman… Feminist my butt! she ain’t no feminist! She won’t let you know do with your body whatever you want!!! Don’t fall into the trap!”

Heehee, do you mean she is against you killing a defenseless baby!!! You have a problem with that? It’s obvious you have no children. Certainly no female children.

June 14, 2009 at 12:36 pm
(51) tim obrien says:

PALIN NEEDS TO CHILL,SHE IS TURNING INTO THE BEETCH THAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS.LIGHTEN UP LADY, IT’S ALL IN GOOD HUMOR.

June 15, 2009 at 9:54 am
(52) tamam ghandour says:

letterman is running out of tricks…its time to quit honorably….jay lenno did…………..

June 16, 2009 at 6:37 am
(53) oldjoe says:

I can’t recall when Sarah Palin and her entire back-woods family including her knocked-up daughter weren’t a joke.

Bravo for Dave Letterman. He need not apologize to me.

June 16, 2009 at 1:06 pm
(54) mooch says:

For all of you who think Letterman is funny and humorous I really don’t want to know what you think would be sick. Letterman is sick and has been.

June 16, 2009 at 2:56 pm
(55) Ginny R says:

Letterman has no couth!!He says ANYTHING hateful & hurtful/& gets away w/it. I think he’s a freak, w/ NO class!!He loves to pick on anyone that’s not liberal.. HOW did he get popular???(throwing watermellons off tall buildings) That shows u what our society is stooping to……………..

June 17, 2009 at 2:43 am
(56) jr-OC says:

I have watched Dave for many years. For most of that time he was funny. Then he started that “Great Moments in Presidiential History”, or whatever the hell they called it. They would show prepared speeches by long-gone (and not missed) democratic presidents compared to Bush reacting to live questions by the media when he stumbled or hesitated. This was supposed to be a fair fight. At that point I decided that he was not worthy of my watching him any longer. Paul sucks too. Then, when Obamer became pres the show announced that they would no longer do the presidential harpoons any longer. Even though it is obvious that the Obamerman creates great material for comedy, since he basically lies to us 24/7 in his officious and condescending manner. Dave’s performance has just gone straight downhill since. He is what my parents used to call unfunny. Trying to be funny but really not funny at all. Dave, the guy who I watched for years and liked, has become a pathetic loser. Yeah, let’s pick on Sarah Palin’s 14 year old daughter. Now that’s comedy! Dave, you are pathetic. I can no longer laugh at or with you. And Paul, you are something less than whatever Dave is, because that is your stupid job.

July 10, 2009 at 2:31 pm
(57) Dotty says:

David Letterman commenting on Sarah Palin’s appearance, about her daughter getting “knocked up”, is seriously pathetic.
Didn’t he “knock up” some hideously looking, homely woman and have a baby out of wedlock?
Sarah Palin’s daughter is a teenager, he was way beyond that. Didn’t he have a “bastard”, whom he was quite proud of…some day when that kid gets ridiculed, he’ll know what it is like to have your child hurt by people’s mean comments.

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