"Well, President Bush is opening up a little bit. He gave an interview to ABC News. Bush said he wished the intelligence on Iraq had been different. Hey, how many wish the intelligence in the White House had been different?" --Jay Leno
"The big rumor is that Bill Clinton could be a possible replacement for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat when she becomes secretary of state. How about that, huh? Yeah. I believe it's the first time Bill has ever shown any interest in Hillary's seat. Isn't that ironic? We're going from a Clinton in pantsuits to a Clinton who drops his suit pants." --Jay Leno
"The Dow fell almost 700 ... Now personally, I blame the geniuses at the National Bureau of Economic Research, who thought it would be a good idea to announce yesterday that we are now in a recession. Terrible move. Everyone knows you keep bad news to yourself, holding it deep inside, until eventually it kills you" --Stephen Colbert
"President Bush and his lovely wife Laura have purchased a new home in Dallas, Texas, worth $2 million. See, this is where President Bush has outsmarted everybody. People underestimate this guy. Five months ago, you would have had to pay $10 million bucks for that house, but thanks to his economic plan, he got it at a bargain. The man is a genius!" --Jay Leno
"President Bush has less than two months left before he two-steps back to Texas for some serious brush-clearing time. But the president sat down with Charles Gibson of ABC for an interview that aired tonight. Surprisingly, he admitted to some mistakes. He said he was unprepared for how long and how difficult the Iraq war would be, and that he shouldn't have gone to war based on reports that Iraq had WMDs without first asking what WMD stood for." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The Labor Department announced that over 1,100 lawyers lost their jobs last month. Think about it. So lawyers are losing their jobs. ... CEOs are being forced to work for a dollar a year. Ann Coulter's jaw is wired shut. In many ways, this could be the greatest Christmas ever." --Jay Leno
"Our President-elect, Barack Obama, was busy again today, picking his White House kickball team, or something like that. This morning, he nominated New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson to be secretary of commerce, which, given the state of our economy, might be the toughest cabinet job of all. Which means, once again, the Mexican guy gets stuck with the job that nobody else wants to do." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Former Florida Governor Jeb Bush said in a recent interview that Republicans 'cannot be the old, white guy party.' That's what he said. I believe he made this statement at a national shuffleboard convention in Boca Raton, Florida." --Jay Leno
"On 'Meet the Press' Sunday, First Lady Laura Bush said that the Obama girls, when they visited the White House, they were schooled on all the fun things you can do there, like play in an obstacle course, running up and down the main hall there and crawl under the furniture, and sliding down the ramp of the solarium. All of the stuff President Bush likes to do now, actually." --Jay Leno
"Well, they said today during her confirmation hearings, Republicans could force her to answer a lot of embarrassing questions about Bill Clinton's financial affairs. To which Hillary said, 'What kind of affairs? Financial? Oh, no problem!'" --Jay Leno
Note: the rest of the late-night shows were in re-runs this week
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Comments
Mr. B. goes to his doctor to have his head examined. After an encephalography, his doctor tells him: “Mr. on the left side of your brain, there is nothing right; and on the right side, there is nothing left!”
Askin Ozcan
Author of “WISDOM IN SMILE” (Xlibris)
and “THE SECOND VENICE” (Outskirts Press)