The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

"Gov. Mark Sanford disappeared...and it turned out he was in South America. And then it turned out he was down there because he was sleeping with a woman from Argentina. Once again, foreigners taking jobs that Americans won't do." --David Letterman

"Gov. Sanford may have broken the law because he left the country without transferring power to his lieutenant governor. Yeah, apparently Sanford violated South Carolina's sacred bros before hoes law." --Conan O'Brien

"Today the governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, who's the head of the Republican Governors Association, held a press conference to reveal he had an affair with a woman from Argentina. People were shocked because Republicans traditionally don't do well with Hispanic women." --Conan O'Brien

"Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is claiming victory in Iran. It's controversial and he is very unpopular. And the danger is this - he could ruin the political career of his brother, Jeb." --David Letterman

"No, it's sad about Iran, but what do you expect about a country with a government that's propped up by oil, that's led by a religious wacko? Kind of like Alaska." --Bill Maher

"But the Iranian government is planning a curfew because things are getting so crazy in Iran. And I thought if there is one thing an angry mob respects, by God, it's a curfew, isn't it?" --David Letterman

"Oh. Marital infidelity. You are just another run-of-the-mill human being whose simple moralizing about the sanctity of marriage is only marred by the complexities of their own life. Well, just another politician with a conservative mind and a liberal penis." --Jon Stewart

"Did you hear about Mark Sanford, the governor of South Carolina? He mysteriously disappeared last week and nobody knew where he was. Today, Sanford admitted to having an affair in Argentina. I'm like, great, now we're outsourcing mistresses." --Craig Ferguson

"Good for her I say! Good for you! Finally! I never understood why these women had to stand by their douchebag at the press conference. He's like, 'Oh I did this I did that then I took off her dress and then we went to Hooters'...I think what the wives should do is just wear a t-shirt that says 'I'm with stupid.'" --Craig Ferguson, on Mark Sanford's wife not appearing at his press conference

"The past couple of years there have been a whole bunch of scandals involving governors. You know things are bad when the most normal governor of the last decade was Jesse 'The Body' Ventura." --Craig Ferguson (Watch video clip)

"Needless to say, this not great news for the Republican party. So many prominent Republicans have been caught in these situations lately: Mark Sanford, Larry Craig, David Vitter, John Ensign from Nevada. And do you want to know why this is happening? The gays. They've destroyed the institution of marriage and now this is what we get." --Jimmy Kimmel

"But the Iranian supreme leader says the election results are official. He said, 'It's over, the election results are official. And besides that, it costs too much to rig another election.'" --David Letterman

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney has signed a publishing deal to write his memoirs. I don't want to spoil anything, but it ends with him killing Obi-Wan Kenobi.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Toyota has begun production on a Prius Hearse which they say will be better for the environment than the traditional gas-powered hearse. Experts say it's the perfect way to tell everyone at your funeral procession, 'I'm judging you from beyond the grave.'" --Conan O'Brien

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