The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

"The Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has announced she is stepping down. Friends of Governor Palin are saying that she is resigning because she is tired of attacks from the media. Thank God I didn't say anything." ---David Letterman

"It's an emotional day. A lot of us are still mourning the loss of one of America's most entertaining figures, who left us all too soon. But don't worry, folks, Sarah Palin will be back. Comedians everywhere are praying." -- Conan O'Brien

"Since resigning as governor, many say Sarah Palin is now going to spend some time working on her memoirs. Alaskans are saying they can't wait to start reading Palin's memoirs and then quit halfway through." --Conan O'Brien

"In a recent study, the United States was ranked the 114th happiest country in the world. Then Sarah Palin stepped down. Now we're at 17." --Conan O'Brien

"Anybody here from Minnesot? Congratulations, you have a brand new senator, our old friend, Al Franken. Al is an interesting guy. Went from being a comedian to politician. George Bush, the other way around." --David Letterman

"Now how about this, ladies and gentlemen? The Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has announced she is stepping down. She will no longer be the Governor of Alaska. First thing, she woke up and went out on her porch and waved goodbye to Russia. Obama was waving to her." --David Letterman

"President Obama right now is in Russia. Yeah, Obama went there because from Russia, you can actually see Sarah Palin cleaning out her office in Alaska." --Conan O'Brien

"But I was talking to a lady here in the audience who's from Alaska. And we were wondering about this. How does a thing like this work? Because she steps down and no longer the governor of Alaska. And we figured it out, the title now is -- Miss Congeniality steps up, I think, -- is now the governor of Alaska. I think so." --David Letterman

"But a lot of public figures do this. And I've tried to do it. Doesn't work. You blame the media. When you have trouble, you blame the media. And today, as a matter of fact, she was up in a helicopter, shooting Wolf Blitzer." --David Letterman

"Mark Sanford described his girlfriend as his 'soulmate.' And I thought, well, if there is one thing that beautiful women love, it's a fiscal conservative, am I right?" --David Letterman

"Today, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she sees no need for a House resolution in praise of Michael Jackson. Pelosi added, “Isn’t it enough that I’m slowly starting to look like him?” --Conan O'Bien

Note: the rest of the late-night shows were in re-runs this week.

Read last week's jokes, check out our daily late-night joke roundup, or browse the late-night joke archive.

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Sarah Palin Jokes
Barack Obama Jokes
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George Bush Jokes

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