The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

"President Obama and the first lady say they will not be exchanging gifts this Christmas. Mrs. Obama says they used to, but she got tired of Barack promising big things and not delivering." -Conan O'Brien

"A new poll shows that Tiger Woods' popularity has dropped from 85 percent to 33 percent. President Obama's popularity is also at 33 percent, but Tiger had more fun getting there." -Conan O'Brien

"It looks like Democrats have their 60 votes for healthcare. Harry Reid said the bill will save us hundreds of millions of dollars. Well, it would have, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars we had to pay to buy the 60 votes." -Jay Leno

"Of course, the storm is the big story, it is unbelievable. It actually paralyzed Washington more than Joe Lieberman. In fact, there was so much white powder in D.C., people thought Marion Barry was mayor again." -Jay Leno

"Washington, D.C. got a ton of snow this weekend. When it snows hard enough in D.C., the city shuts down, and Congress can't get anything done. You know, sort of like when it's not snowing." -Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama's daughter Sasha says that she already bought her dad's gift. She won't say what it is but she did say, 'It's something he likes.' Which begs the question: How did an 8-year-old get her hands on a carton of Marlboro Lights?" -Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, President Obama prank-called a Washington radio station, calling himself 'Barry from D.C.' Then, just to mess with him, Obama called Glenn Beck's radio show as 'B. Hussein from Kenya.'" -Conan O'Brien

"Final installment of Things More Fun Than Reading the Sarah Palin Memoir: Driving into a tree, microwaving your head, and getting stabbed in the eye with a carrot." -David Letterman

"Yesterday President Obama said, 'We can't continue to treat tax money like monopoly money.' Oh really -- how come all those guys on Wall Street got 'get out of jail free' cards?" -Jay Leno

"Former President Bush is currently working on his memoirs and he said he's completed about 85 percent. His exact quote was, 'I'm halfway done.'" -Conan O'Brien

"The healthcare bill won't have a public option. But Obama was like, 'The public option is not the most important aspect' of the healthcare bill because 'only a few million people' would benefit from it. And then a few million people were like 'Ummm . . . we can hear you.'" -Jimmy Fallon

Read last week's jokes, check out our daily late-night joke roundup, or browse the late-night joke archive.

See Also: The Week's Best Political Cartoons

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