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Daniel Kurtzman

Underwear Bomber Jokes

By January 6, 2010

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New Airlines Security Screenings The late-night comedians take on exploding underpants and airport security:

"Even if the bomb works, there's going to be 72 very disappointed virgins." --Jon Stewart on the Underwear Bomber

"I guess you heard about that kid that tried to blow up the plane on Christmas Day with a bomb he had hidden in his underwear. Before he could get the bomb lit, some hero passengers grabbed him. They dragged him into first class. See, I had no idea that's how you got upgraded on Delta. I thought it was a point system." --Jay Leno

"He was wearing a pair of Fruit of the Lunatic. ... The guy is not too bright. He said the reason he wanted to become a suicide bomber was to work his way up in the Al Qaeda organization." --David Letterman

Underwear Bombers "People everywhere are pointing fingers about security. They're saying, 'Well, you know, you should have done this and you should have done that and you should have done this.' And I'm telling you, this guy paid cash for his ticket for a flight to Detroit. Now you tell me -- what is the bigger red flag in this economy? The fact that somebody had cash, or they wanted to go to Detroit?" --David Letterman

"On Friday, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian man who ignited his underpants in a failed attempt to blow up a jet landing in Detroit, plead not guilty to six federal charges, while his testicles pled guilty in absentia." --Seth Meyers

"A lot of states are faced subzero temperatures this week. Everyone's taking precautions. In fact, airports are on the lookout for thermal underwear bombers." --Jimmy Fallon

"You know, after the shoe bomber, they made us take off our shoes. Now, this underwear thing, could be a real problem. I wonder if mothers of terrorists tell their kids to wear clean underwear in case something great happens." --Jimmy Kimmel

"There's talk now we may have to go through these full body scanners, which would allow TSA screeners to see us, not exactly naked, but close enough that every time Salma Hayek goes to the airport, there's going to be a line of guys in blue polyester blazers running to their posts." --Jimmy Kimmel

Read more late-night jokes...

See Also:
Jon Stewart Skewers Underwear Bomber, Airline Security
Stephen Colbert on the Crapification of the American Pant-Scape
Borowitz: Full Body Scans to Double as Annual Checkups

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January 9, 2010 at 2:30 am
(1) mockofshame says:

HAHA! See what these terrorists are resorting to?! Ridiculous! Check this out:

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