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Daniel Kurtzman

'Lift My Luggage' Is the New 'Hiking the Appalachian Trail'

By May 6, 2010

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George Rekers: 'Lift My Luggage' This year's hottest new sexual euphemism comes courtesy of Rev. George Rekers, co-founder of the conservative Family Research Council and one of America's most prominent anti-gay crusaders.

Rekers was recently caught in the Miami airport returning from a 10-day trip to Europe with a male prostitute he hired off the website Rentboy.com.

Rekers, who has worked to "cure" gay people through religion, denies engaging in any gay sex whatsoever. He had a perfectly innocent explanation: ''I had surgery and I can't lift luggage. That's why I hired him," he told the Miami New Times. (The Rent Boy has since admitted the two had sex, while Rekers claims he tried to convince him to abandon homosexual intercourse, saying, "I shared the Gospel of Jesus Christ with him in great detail.")

Amid a chorus of snickers around the Internet, "Lift my luggage" has been added to pantheon of classic euphemisms for illicit sex — right up there with Gov. Mark Sanford's infamous "hiking the Appalachian Trail" alibi (when he was secretly off in Argentina chasing tail) and ex-Sen. Larry Craig's claim he had a "wide stance" (when he was caught tapping his toes in an airport bathroom stall trying to solicit gay sex).

"Lift my luggage" has officially made it into the Urban Dictionary:
"Phrase used to describe taking a homosexual prostitute on a European vacation, while being an advocate of Gay to Straight conversion therapy."
As Comedy Central's Indecision Forever blog points out, the episode is yet another example of Haggard's Law -- named after Rev. Ted Haggard, the gay-bashing evangelical leader who resigned after admitting to having meth-fueled gay sex with a male prostitute.

Here's how the Urban Dictionary defines Haggard's Law:
"The likelihood of a person harboring secret desires to engage in sexual and/or romantic activities with members of the same sex is directly proportional to the frequency and volume of said person's vocalized objections to homosexuality."
Guess that means the right-wing Christian escort business must be booming at Rentboy.com.

Stephen Colbert Mocks George Rekers' Rekers's exploits have also earned him honors as Stephen Colbert's "Alpha Dog of the Week." Poking fun at the "lifting luggage" excuse, Colbert quipped, "Technically, I believe he was looking for someone to hoist his sack."

Colbert also noted: "Jesus spent time with prostitutes. That's why good Christians should always ask themselves 'WBWJR -- What Boy Would Jesus Rent?'" (Watch video)

Jon Stewart also mocked Rekers' rentboy romp, highlighting a photo on Rekers at the airport with his escort, who was not touching the luggage.

Bill Maher piled on as well:

"This man devoted his life to curing homosexuality. And you know, people have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They're definitely gay! They are 100% sausage-smoking, Barbara Streisand-loving, Project Runway-ready gay."

Craig Ferguson, meanwhile, had a word of advice for the George Rekers of the world:

"If you're really, really anti-gay and you run an organization that's really anti-gay and you really don't like gay people, and you want to stop them from doing stuff, you're probably gay. So, just knock it off and get yourself something fabulous."

See Also: The Top Ten Outed Right-Wing Homophobes

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May 7, 2010 at 9:44 am
(1) Skip says:

I love to see a hypocrit “outed”.

May 7, 2010 at 12:43 pm
(2) SPO101 says:

According to anti-gay activists George Rekers and James Dobson from the so-called Family Research Council… The Male Model/Escort industry has a great future in Republican Party politics… lol
GOP – Gay Old Party

Marco Rubio, huh?
Ok, so I’m supposed to put my faith and trust in the voters of Florida. The morons that gave us the Bush/Cheney DISASTER! Thanks for nothing.

COME ON, are you right-wing wackos #*~/‘n INSANE? Am I missing something here? Didn’t Republicans/Conservatives just have 8 YEARS of Bush/Cheney and Republican controlled Congress (1994-2006) to put their warped ideology into practice? AND IT ALMOST DESTROYED THE GREATEST NATION ON EARTH!

Waste, fraud, abuse, scandal, sexual deviancy, corruption, lies, incompetence, job outsourcing, deregulation, off-shore tax evasion, reckless economics, welfare for the rich, war profiteering, Constitutional violations AND a Corporate Crime Wave of epic proportions…. The WORST looting/ravaging of a nation’s wealth and resources in the history of MANKIND!

Where was the Tea Party anger THEN? #*~/ ignorant hypocrites.

National Alliance on Mental Illness
Of course Americans already KNOW Republicans/Conservatives have a problem with ethics, responsibility, accountability… BUT I feel LOW GRADE THOUGHT PROCESSES are the REAL topic here. Just LISTEN to Mitch McConnell or John Boehner or Marco Rubio or…

Republicans seem to be suffering from SEVERE superiority complexes, odd paranoia, guilt and identity issues.

At first I thought all these pretty-boy Scott Brown, Bob McDonnell, Marco Rubio types were getting elected because frustrated Republican women were voting for them. They thought their men were constipated/impotent but as it turns out these poor sex starved women weren’t getting any because
Republican Men are all as GAY as Larry Craig, Bill Cunningham, Mark Foley, Glenn Beck and Ted Haggard… and enthusiastically VOTE for the pretty boys too!

DO NOT VOTE for Republicans/Conservatives, it’s actually GOOD for the USA…

May 7, 2010 at 1:16 pm
(3) B. Jefferson says:

Luggage? Perhaps he hired him to carry his teabags. Not that there is is anything wrong with that.

May 7, 2010 at 10:56 pm
(4) James M says:

“officially made it into the Urban Dictionary”?!

Anybody can submit anything – there’s no quality control. It’s not a real slang dictionary.

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