Oil Spill Jokes

A roundup of late-night jokes, political cartoons, and ridiculous quotes about the oil spill disaster in the Gulf of Mexico:

"The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.'" --Jimmy Fallon

"In a new interview, BP's CEO said that the Gulf Coast oil spill is relatively tiny compared to the 'very big ocean.' That's like telling someone who's just been shot not to worry about the bullet because they're really, really fat." --Jimmy Fallon

"On Monday, British Petroleum promised to pay all necessary cleanup costs for this oil spill. And they said they will do it, no matter how much they have to raise gas prices." --Jay Leno

"You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders." --David Letterman

"Everybody has a different solution for the Gulf oil spill. Why don't they just try jiggling the handle? I went to lunch and had crab cakes. The waiter came over and asked if I wanted leaded or unleaded. The tartar sauce was 80 percent tar." --David Letterman

"British Petroleum said today that if this spill gets worse, they may soon have to start drilling for water." --Jay Leno

Read more oil spill jokes...

The 5 Most Ridiculous Quotes About the Gulf Oil Spill

1. "I think the environmental impact of this disaster is likely to have been very, very modest." --BP chief executive Tony Hayward, interview with Sky News television, May 18, 2010

2. What better way to head off more oil drilling, nuclear plants, than by blowing up a rig? I'm just noting the timing, here." --Rush Limbaugh, suggesting that "environmentalist whackos" deliberately blew up the oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico in order to stop offshore drilling, April 29, 2010

3. "From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented." --Texas Gov. Rick Perry

4. "The ocean will take care of this on its own if it was left alone and left out there. It's natural. It's as natural as the ocean water is." --Rush Limbaugh, May 3, 2010

5. "There's a good question today if you are standing on the Gulf, and that is: Where is the oil?" --FOX News anchor Brit Hume, scoffing at the BP oil spill disaster, May 16, 2010

Read more of the year's dumbest quotes...

See Also:
• Political Cartoons on the Gulf Oil Spill
• Anti-BP Pictures and Parodies
• An Ironic BP Ad From 1999

More on the Gulf Oil Spill:
• SNL Rips BP, Halliburton For Failed Oil Containment
• Stephen Colbert: 'No one Knows What the F**k They're Doing'
• Jon Stewart Slams Media, BP, And Hypocritical Politicians For Oil Spill Response
• BP's New Cleanup Plan: Divert Gulf Oil Spill to Bermuda Triangle

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