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Daniel Kurtzman

The Week's Best Late-Night Jokes

By October 15, 2010

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Late-Night Political Jokes

"Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late." —David Letterman

"Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh are President Obama's 10th cousins. Which means they are secret Muslims." —Jimmy Kimmel

"I feel bad for the Chilean miners. They were down there in the dark so long. I mean, my God, it's like the Tea Party." —David Letterman

"In three weeks Californians will vote on whether to legalize marijuana. Which means that three weeks and one day from now thousands of stoners will say, "Oh crap, that was yesterday?" —Jimmy Fallon

"Rich Iott, the Republican nominee and Tea Party-backed candidate for Congress in Ohio, has admitted that he dressed up in a Nazi uniform for a Nazi reenactment. He said he was just following orders. His campaign slogan: 'In your heart you know he's Reich.''' —Jay Leno

"California gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman has released a new TV ad in both Mandarin and Cantonese. This is part of her effort to reach out to the Asian community. That's how California works, where a white woman from back East, trying to replace an Austrian governor, runs an ad in Chinese to explain to people why she hired a Mexican maid." —Jay Leno

"New Rule: Jerry Brown must stop apologizing for being in the same room when someone called Meg Whitman a whore. If you want to see a woman really get mad, compare a whore to Meg Whitman." —Bill Maher

"The Nobel Prize in the fiction category went to Christine O'Donnell's resume." —David Letterman

"Did you watch the debate with Christine O'Donnell, you know, the anti-self pleasuring, witchy candidate in Delaware? She wasn't that good though. She's not really a master debater.'" —Craig Ferguson

"Christine O'Donnell is trailing in the polls by 20 percent. She'll need a miracle to win. Or a very good spell." —Craig Ferguson

"New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino's pit bull, Duke, bit another dog during a campaign stop this week. People who were there said he was growling, foaming at the mouth, and completely out of control. And so was his pit bull." —Jimmy Fallon

"You know that anti-gay candidate Carl Paladino running for governor? He had this horrible anti-gay thing the other day. It turns out he owns two buildings that house gay night clubs. So I guess when it comes to making money, Mr. Anti-Gay's attitude is 'Don't ask, don't tell.'" —Jay Leno

"President Obama met with students in the Oval Office who have started their own businesses. Or, as those students are known on campus, 'weed dealers.'" —Jimmy Fallon

"North Korea is getting a new evil dictator. Kim Jong Il is appointing his dim-witted son, Kim Jong W. Il." —David Letterman

"Vice President Joe Biden said that the Democrats up for election aren't running on their accomplishments because they're too hard to explain. So basically he's saying either voters are too stupid to understand or the Democrats are too stupid to explain it. You know what's even harder to explain? Why the Democrats are letting Joe Biden talk with the election just a couple weeks away." —Jay Leno

"A Greek billionaire is giving a million dollars to a man that ran naked in front of President Obama in Philadelphia. Obama called the stunt 'highly immature' while Biden called it 'totally worth it.'" —Jimmy Fallon

"Joe Biden said today President Obama has asked him to run again with him in 2010. So I think I speak for all late-night hosts when I say, 'Thank you, Mr. President." —Jay Leno

"Americans love Chilean miners. I haven't seen so much hoopla about an endless procession emerging from a scary hole since the Octomom." —Bill Maher

"One guy had four women waiting for him. There was the wife he never divorced, then there was the woman he lives with, then there was his current girlfriend and then the baby mama. He is now known as the Tiger Woods of mining." —Bill Maher, on one of the Chilean miners

More Late-Night Jokes:
Best Jokes of 2010 (So Far)
Latest Late-Night Jokes
Last Week's Jokes

More Weekly Humor:
The Week's Best Political Cartoons

Jokes by Jay Leno and David Letterman See Also:
Barack Obama Jokes
Sarah Palin Jokes
Christine O'Donnell Jokes
2010 Election Jokes
Republican Jokes
Democrat Jokes

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