"In her video posted on her Facebook page, Sarah Palin condemned the media's coverage of the Arizona shootings by using the phrase 'blood libel,' which refers to a harsh anti-Semitic slur. And I would be super-offended if I thought she knew that." —Seth Meyers
"Many are asking if our political discourse has gotten too heated. And those people should go to hell!" —Stephen Colbert
"It would be really nice if the ramblings of crazy people didn't in any way resemble how we actually talk to each other on TV. Let's at least make troubled individuals easier to spot." —Jon Stewart, reflecting on vitriolic political rhetoric in the wake of the Arizona shootings
"Former U.S. House Majority Leader, Tom DeLay, has been sentenced to three years in prison. One year for money laundering and two more for his performance on 'Dancing with the Stars.'" —Jay Leno
"Tom DeLay has done only two things since leaving politics — 'Dancing with the Stars,' and now prison. Somebody must tell him: there are easier ways to have sex with men." —Bill Maher
"Sarah Palin said that she resented being identified as part of the problem. And then she said we'd have to excuse her — she had to work on her agenda of guns on demand, no health care for the insane, and casting the President as a foreign enemy." —Bill Maher
"Sarah Palin knows angry speech isn't a call to violence. Unless it's angry speech directed at Sarah Palin in which case it is a call to violence." —Stephen Colbert
"John Boehner skipped the memorial to attend a fundraising cocktail party. He said it's not that he doesn't care, just that it was sad and he's one of those men who's uncomfortable showing emotions in public." —Bill Maher
"Police are looking for a man in Phoenix who robbed a bank and told the teller he wanted the money in twenties, forties and sixties. Authorities believe he could be one of President Obama's economic advisers." —Jay Leno
"Last night was possibly the last show ever of 'Sarah Palin's Alaska,' for several reasons. She might run for President and would have to abide by the equal time rules. Also, she just likes to quit things." —Jimmy Kimmel
"When a candidate walks away from a reality show, that's when you know they're serious about being president of the United States." —Jay Leno
"Sad news. It looks like 'Sarah Palin's Alaska' won't be back for a second year. How does that make her feel? She was governor, almost vice president. She gets one year. Snooki's on her third year." —Jay Leno
"Secretary of State Hillary Clinton made a speech urging Arab leaders to enact real reforms. Halfway through the speech, Arab leaders looked at each other and asked, 'Why is a woman talking?'" —Conan O'Brien
"A new study shows that a woman's tears can chemically lower the level of testosterone in a man. When that happens, the man will also start to cry and then eventually be elected speaker of the House." —Jay Leno
"San Francisco celebrated the opening of the nation's first gay history museum. The museum is called 'San Francisco.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Tom DeLay, who was called 'The Hammer' when he was the majority leader, has been sentenced to three years in prison. 'Hammer Time' has a whole other meaning in prison." —Jay Leno
"John Edwards has denied 'The National Enquirer' story that he asked his mistress to marry him. Who are you gonna believe, the sleazy purveyor of lies or 'The National Enquirer'?" —Jay Leno
"The blizzard was three hours of howling wind — kind of like Rush Limbaugh's radio show." —Conan O'Brien
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Comments
Too much Jay Leno
Where’s Chelsea?
Conan O’Brian.