1. About.com
  2. Entertainment
  3. Political Humor

Discuss in my forum

Daniel Kurtzman

Best Bill Maher Quotes Ever

By , About.com Guide   January 20, 2011

Follow me on:

Bill Maher Quotes and Funny Bill Maher Quotations Happy birthday to Bill Maher, who turns 55 today. As a tribute, we've compiled some of the best Bill Maher quotes of all time:

"Only 42 percent of Republicans believe Obama was born in the United States. That's an amazing statistic. How come in America Christians are the only ones who won't take anything on faith?" —Bill Maher

"I will show you President Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma." —Bill Maher

"The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them." —Bill Maher

"If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'" —Bill Maher

Read more Bill Maher quotes...

Related:
Best Jon Stewart Quotes Ever
Best Stephen Colbert Quotes Ever
Latest Late-Night Jokes

Get Political Humor on Facebook and Twitter

Comments

January 20, 2011 at 3:59 pm
(1) Kana Sana :

I adore Bill Maher. Happy Birthday to him, and may the new year bring more of his reality tonic to the world!

January 20, 2011 at 4:01 pm
(2) Cheryl Durst :

Happy Birthday!
Never regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many.

January 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm
(3) TangentMan :

You forgot, “I’m not saying all Republicans are racist, but if you’re racist, you’re probably a Republican.”

January 20, 2011 at 4:17 pm
(4) Richard Fairfield :

Time for another NEW edition of NEW RULES, correct?

January 20, 2011 at 4:19 pm
(5) GYPSY JACK :

When people are right they often meet up with a stone wall of denial. Thank Goodness Bill is still kicking at those walls of ignorance. The USA really needs a wake up call

January 20, 2011 at 4:20 pm
(6) FloridaPete :

Priceless! Thank you Bill Maher for keeping us sane. Happy Birthday!

January 20, 2011 at 4:27 pm
(7) DEB :

Happy Birthday to Bill!
Been with him since I was in H.S. Religously watched him on the ORIGINAL Politically Incorrect on Comedy Central….& actually wrote to him. I needed to be on the “for it” side of the legalization of marijuana for a college class & remembered his awesome monologue about it from one of his shows. He actually sent me the monologue!!
I still have it 16 years later!
What a sweet heart (sweet & SOUR! Just the way I like’em)!

January 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm
(8) Jake :

This one from last week’s episode was classic:

“I want you teabaggers out there to understand one thing: while you idolize the Founding Fathers and dress up like them, and smell like them, I think it’s pretty clear that the Founding Fathers would have hated your guts. And what’s more, you would’ve hated them. They were everything you despise. They studied science, read Plato, hung out in Paris and thought the Bible was mostly bulls**t.” -Bill Maher

January 20, 2011 at 4:33 pm
(9) kevin :

I like this one on Michele Bachmann: “The floor of a cave called. It wants its bat sh*t back.”

January 20, 2011 at 4:47 pm
(10) Gene Jacobs :

Happy Birthday Bill! Keep on keeping on!

January 20, 2011 at 4:50 pm
(11) mari :

Happiest of Birthdays to you Bill. I like your shows and always love your quotes especially the private for profits health care the other side proposes you are right they are bloodthirsty vampires sucking the blood of those in pain. Thanks for posting.

January 20, 2011 at 7:35 pm
(12) gatopelon :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Bill!
May you be on all year round!

January 20, 2011 at 8:12 pm
(13) Dolores DiBiase :

Happy Birthday to one of the few guys who make me laugh out loud! Many, many more.

January 20, 2011 at 8:38 pm
(14) gisela bench :

Happy Birthday Bill Maher! Glad you’re around!!!!!!!!!!!

January 20, 2011 at 10:40 pm
(15) Sharon :

Happy Birthday Bill! I still want you to run for president.

January 20, 2011 at 10:53 pm
(16) Janyce Silva :

I really think you should invite President Obama to be a guest on your show. it might give him a clue what the majority of intelligent humans think of him…. not the Sarah Parlin whannabees.

January 21, 2011 at 8:06 am
(17) DHFabian :

There’s a thin line between being an enlightening social/political commentator and being a self-righteous, judgmental nanny. More often than not, Mahar is the latter, wallowing in elitist contempt for anyone who doesn’t meet his standards, such as our “disposable” poor.

January 21, 2011 at 12:26 pm
(18) Larry Cook :

Happy Birthday Bill. I have HBO just so I can watch your show. Keep giving the conservatives Hell.

January 21, 2011 at 1:56 pm
(19) Sally :

He is such a tool!

January 21, 2011 at 8:47 pm
(20) David Bailey :

Happy Birthday Bill! Dont let up! May I suggest a new target ; The Texas Gov. Dick Perry. His Texas rhetoric spews so much verbal diarea about how great our state is (its not.) we’re in trouble because his sucessionist b. s. is close to treason (verbally) This guy thinks he can ignore our presedent and disobey Federal govt. agencies . . . . . Snooki could run this state better than Perry. he’s a lot of material for you just waitin” . . . .
I love your show! Rock on , Bill, and thanx for calling it likre it IS.

April 28, 2011 at 1:56 pm
(21) pat :

I have a quote for you: An opinion is like a butt hole…everyone has one – even you Bill

July 31, 2011 at 12:59 pm
(22) Rudy Valenzuela :

Since I became a Bill Maher student, I have found myself expressing my thinking in ways that I only imagined. I’m a retired Civil Engineer and struggling songwriter (66-yrs old) who, because of Mr. Maher’s unique take on subject like religion and gay marriage, is now really able to find real enjoyment in social conversation (or should I say “social confrontation).

Needless to say, I’m a big fan of “Real Time” and his internet quotes and videos. Is this an obsession? If it is, it’s an obsession, a desire to learn.

Leave a Comment


Line and paragraph breaks are automatic. Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title="">, <b>, <i>, <strike>
Related Searches bill maher january 20

©2012 About.com. All rights reserved. 

A part of The New York Times Company.