"Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters — all of whom are late-night comedians." —Conan O'Brien
"Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama's birth certificate to make sure that it's real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump's hair." —Jimmy Fallon
"They have to put Trump on every program, spewing his crazy ideas, because his poll numbers are so high. And his poll numbers are so high because they put him on every program, spewing his crazy ideas." —Jon Stewart
"Donald Trump insisted yesterday that he is not racist, because one time an African-American won 'Apprentice.' Because nothing says 'not racist' like making a black man run your errands." —Conan O'Brien
"If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One." —Jimmy Kimmel
"Stupid presidents, smart presidents, white presidents, black presidents -- doesn't work! What this country needs is a crazy Third World dictator. And Donald Trump has what it takes to be that. He's already got a plane with his name on it, solid gold buildings, a harem..." —Lewis Black
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