Chris Rock Mocks Bush in Oscar Monologue
Monday February 28, 2005
Oscar host Chris Rock got in a few digs at President Bush in his opening monologue at the Acadamy Awards. Here's what he said:
"I'm not going to bash Bush here tonight. I saw 'Fahrenheit 9/11.' I think Bush is a genius. I think Bush did some things this year that nobody in this room could do. ... Because Bush basically reapplied for his job. And can you imagine applying for a job and while you're applying there's a movie in every theater in the country that shows how much you suck at the job? It would be hard to get hired, wouldn't it? I watched 'Fahrenheit.' I learned some stuff. Bush did some things you could never get away with at a real job.
When Bush got into office, there was a surplus of money -- now there's like a $70 trillion deficit. Now just imagine you work at the GAP. You close out your register and you're $70 trillion short. The average person would get in trouble for something like that. Not Bush. Then he started a war. ... Now just imagine you work at the GAP. You're $70 trillion behind on your register and then you start a war with the Banana Republic because you say they got toxic tank tops over there. You have the war, people are dying -- 1,000 GAP employees are dead, bleeding all over the khakis -- you finally take over Banana Republic and find they never made tank tops in the first place."
More Chris Rock jabs:
"Oprah is so rich that I saw John Kerry proposing to her just an hour ago."
On Michael Moore: "You know he’s thinking 'I should have made Super Size Me — I’ve done the research.'"
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"I'm not going to bash Bush here tonight. I saw 'Fahrenheit 9/11.' I think Bush is a genius. I think Bush did some things this year that nobody in this room could do. ... Because Bush basically reapplied for his job. And can you imagine applying for a job and while you're applying there's a movie in every theater in the country that shows how much you suck at the job? It would be hard to get hired, wouldn't it? I watched 'Fahrenheit.' I learned some stuff. Bush did some things you could never get away with at a real job.
When Bush got into office, there was a surplus of money -- now there's like a $70 trillion deficit. Now just imagine you work at the GAP. You close out your register and you're $70 trillion short. The average person would get in trouble for something like that. Not Bush. Then he started a war. ... Now just imagine you work at the GAP. You're $70 trillion behind on your register and then you start a war with the Banana Republic because you say they got toxic tank tops over there. You have the war, people are dying -- 1,000 GAP employees are dead, bleeding all over the khakis -- you finally take over Banana Republic and find they never made tank tops in the first place."
More Chris Rock jabs:
"Oprah is so rich that I saw John Kerry proposing to her just an hour ago."
On Michael Moore: "You know he’s thinking 'I should have made Super Size Me — I’ve done the research.'"
• Related: Today's News | Today's Quotes | Today's Jokes


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