Daniel Kurtzman's Political Humor Blog

All of the late-night shows were in reruns this week, so we've compiled some of the best Obama and McCain jokes from recent weeks to fill the humor void:

"Now that Barack Obama is the Democratic nominee, Americans are going to have to choose between the 46-year-old Obama and the 71-year-old John McCain. That's the choice. In other words, it's a choice between the Hillary-defeater or the Wal-Mart greeter." --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton campaigned for the first time together in Unity, New Hampshire, today. Isn't that cute? Unity, New Hampshire. For real. Their tour goes from Unity to Tolerate, Rhode Island; and Getting on My Nerves, Virginia; and then Crazy Makeup Sex, California." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Barack Obama said today that he is going to fight for votes in all 50 states. Yeah. That's what he said. Meanwhile, John McCain said he's going to fight for votes in all 13 colonies." --Conan O'Brien

"You know. People really like Barack Obama because he's an inspirational speaker. But he was not the first one -- I was checking my presidential history -- he was not the first candidate to use the phrase 'Yes we can!' Bill Clinton frequently used that on interns." --David Letterman

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Watch the latest spoof videos lampooning the presidential candidates and catch up on recent classics, including "John McCain's C-Word Moment," "I'm Voting Republican Because I'm an Idiot," SNL's Clinton-Obama Ad, and more.

More Campaign Comedy
Best Election Humor
Funniest Campaign Moments
2008 Election Cartoons

"I want to tell you how proud I am to be the President of a nation that -- in which there's a lot of Philippine-Americans. They love America and they love their heritage. And I reminded the President that I am reminded of the great talent of the -- of our Philippine-Americans when I eat dinner at the White House." --President Bush, referring to White House chef Cristeta Comerford while meeting with Filipino President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo (Watch video clip)

Read more Bushisms, plus check out the Bush Quote Generator, featuring the most idiotic Bush gaffes of all time.

Related:
John McCainisms
Barack Obamaisms
Funny Bush Videos

"The Supreme Court has ruled that individuals have the right to carry guns...When the decision was read, it created pandemonium in the court. Justice Scalia had to fire two warning shots to settle people down. And then at the White House, just for fun, Dick Cheney went out on the lawn and peppered a buddy with some birdshot." –David Letterman

"I didn't know this, I think some of the Supreme Court justices may be gun owners. I had no idea. Clarence Thomas, for example, kept bragging about his weapon." --David Letterman

"John McCain and Barack Obama are bickering, and you know what they're bickering about? What to do when they catch Osama bin Laden. That's right. Obama wants to bring him to trial, but John McCain wants to shoot him. Both really good ideas. And I said to myself, guys, guys, how about somebody finding him first? Let's do that." --David Letterman

"President Bush went to Iowa today. Really, what's the hurry? Don't want to make the Katrina people jealous. No, he wanted to show Iowans that disaster is difficult, but it can be overcome. Of course, people from Iowa were a little confused. They weren't sure which disaster President Bush was talking about, the floods, or his presidency." --Jay Leno

"Ralph Nader's in the news. Today, Ralph Nader attacked Barack Obama for refusing to accept public financing for his campaign and said that Obama was too closely tied to big business. Yeah, then the guy sitting next to Nader on the park bench said, 'Shut up!'" --Conan O'Brien

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A roundup of the latest political insanity:

• George Lucas says that Barack Obama would most certainly be a Jedi (hat tip to Extreme Mortman)

• Jon Stewart explains how a Terror Attack + Election = Republican Victory

• David Letterman presents the Top Ten Things Overheard on Hillary Clinton's First Day Back at Work: #7: "Should I take the Madame President nameplate off your door?"

• President Bush waves to onlookers, and no one waves back

• Scott McClellan has some ideas for book titles that Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, and Scooter Libby might consider, including "I Upped Halliburton's Income -- So Up Yours."

• San Francisco residents are seeking to name a sewage treatment plant after George W. Bush

• John McCain's 'Pork Invaders' video game looks older than John McCain

• With John McCain cracking jokes about his age, The Politico's Howard Mortman looks at the art of self-deprecating presidential humor

• Daily Kos's Cheers & Jeers salutes George W. Bush as the best president ever

• The Onion: Giuliani Spotted Sleeping On New York City Subway

• 23/6 presents The O'Reilly Factor in 1 Minute

Read more insanity...

George Carlin will be remembered for his savagely funny and brilliantly subversive observations on the absurdities of American life. His political commentaries were no exception. As a tribute to the late comedian, we present some of Carlin's most memorable political jabs:

"In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem."

"Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out."

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."

"The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment."

Read more George Carlin quotes…

George Carlin Videos
George Carlin on the American Dream (YouTube)
George Carlin on Voting (YouTube)
George Carlin Talks Politics with Keith Olbermann (YouTube)
George Carlin on The Daily Show (Comedy Central)
George Carlin's SNL Monologue (NBC)
Video Highlights from Carlin's Career (Huffington Post)

Remembering George Carlin
George Carlin Tribute Cartoon (Cagle Cartoons)
Carlin Remembered by Jerry Seinfeld (NY Times)
George Carlin: American Radical (The Nation)
The Legacy of George Carlin (Entertainment Weekly)
George Carlin, Irreverent Stand-Up Comedian, Is Dead (NY Times)

(Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Keep up to date on the latest political punch lines with our roundup of the best humor from the 2008 campaign trail. You'll find a running compilation of the candidates' funniest moments, most embarrassing gaffes, and wittiest quips, as well as the best late-night jokes, political cartoons, and spoof videos from around the Web.

Related:
Barack Obama Humor Roundup
John McCain Humor Roundup
Hillary Clinton Humor Roundup

John McCain truly is the heir apparent to George W. Bush.

While railing against excessive congressional earmarks, McCain declared, "I will veto every single beer." (Watch video clip)

This no doubt will come as sobering news to his wife, the beer heiress.

And yesterday, in explaining how he's conducting his search for vice president, MCain said, "Well, basically, it's a Google," adding that it's remarkable what you can find out on the Internet. (Watch video clip)

"A Google" is not to be confused with "the Google," which is President Bush's preferred search engine.

Read more McCainisms, plus check out more embarrassing moments from the 2008 campaign trail.

Related:
John McCain Humor Roundup
Funny McCain Videos
John McCain Cartoons

"Hey, did you all see Hillary's concession speech over the weekend? She gave a lovely, lovely speech. She was gracious, very complimentary. And she said she wanted Barack Obama to win, and then she hugged her husband, Bill. Then the Secret Service grabbed her, threw her to the ground and said, 'What have you done with the real Senator Clinton? Who are you?'" --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is ending her campaign, but really in the bigger sense it's sad because, think about it, there goes right down the drain the Clinton dream of a being a two-impeachment family." --David Letterman

"During her speech last night, you know, Hillary kept referring to Barack as 'my friend, my friend.' You notice, every time she called Barack 'my friend,' she said it in the same tone as when she calls Bill, 'my husband.'" --Jay Leno

"But don't discount Hillary Clinton, because she's nothing if not shrewd. Don't ever forget that. Hillary has a back-up plan to get to the White House. She's going to marry John McCain." --David Letterman

"Things aren't looking good for Hillary. Like a lot of women in Washington, I think she's just starting to realize she may have slept with Bill Clinton for nothing." --Jay Leno

Read more Hillary Clinton jokes, plus check out our roundup of the best humor from the Obama-Clinton showdown.

More Hillary Hilarity
Hillary Clinton Humor Roundup
Hillary Clinton Cartoons
Funny Clinton Pictures
Funny Clinton Videos
Hillary Loyalty Quiz