Late-Night Jokes About Bush's Pretzel Attack
"President Bush was munching on some pretzels when he choked and fainted. All this time we were worrying about Osama bin Laden, turns out he was almost done-in by Mr. Salty" -Jay Leno Editorial Cartoons: Pretzels!
The latest cartoons about Bush's snack mishap from the Pro Cartoonists Index and Edivu.
Top 10 Headlines Involving Presidents and Snack Foods
From Late Show with David Letterman:
• Jimmy Carter Declares "Lust In My Heart" for Milk Duds
• Reagan Denies Alleged "Arms for Cheez-Itz" Deal
• JFK Vows To Put Pringle On Moon Within Ten Years
• Roosevelt Says: "Speak Softly And Carry A Big Slim Jim" Laura Bush Confirms That Pretzel Size Does Matter
Speculation had been rife that President Bush was knocked out by a tiny pretzel. But Mrs. Bush revealed the truth: a tough specimen, perhaps four inches across. She assured Jay Leno that he husband is now "practicing safe snacks," the Guardian reports. Choking Bush Called Cabinet Members for Help
President Told Government Could Not Intervene in Collapse. From SatireWire. Bush Vows Global Fight Against Crunchy Snacks
Ambitious Plan to Root Out Pretzels, Nachos Worldwide. From the Borowitz Report. Pretzelgate Jokes & One-Liners
Read a few amusing quips about Bush's snack attack or add a one-liner of your own. From the Political Humor Forum. A Day in the Life of Our President
Take a glimpse into Bush's living room. Pretzel Paranoia
The pretzel incident "tickles a very familiar nerve near where my Nixon bone meets my Clinton joint," writes comedian Will Durst. Bush Faints, Hits Head, Loses All Memory of Enron
President Bush has "fully recovered" from a fainting spell he suffered after swallowing a pretzel yesterday, a White House doctor says, with one very minor side effect: partial amnesia. From the Borowitz Report. Pretzelgate: What Really Happened?
Last weekend President Bush was reported to have choked on a pretzel, passed out and suffered a bruise on his cheek after hitting the floor. Yeah, right. From AlterNet. Pretzel Producers Sue Bush for Defamation
The National Association of Pretzel Producers ("NAPP") filed suit late yesterday against President Bush, naming White House Physician Dr. Richard Tubb, White House spokesman Ari Fleischer, White House spokesman Ken Lisaius, and Bush aide Karen Hughes as codefendants. From MadKane.com. Kennedy Is Suspected Source of Killer Pretzel
Only days after Bush vowed that taxes would only be raised "over his dead body," Sen. Edward Kennedy presented him with a basket of pretzels from a famous Massachusetts bakery during a visit to the White House. From Bob's Fridge Door. W.H. Seeks Average Citizen to Watch Super Bowl With Bush
Some knowledge of Heimlich maneuver, CPR required. Fleischer: Domestic Violence Rumors "Unsubstantiated"
White House spokesperson Ari Fleischer explains that President Bush suddenly lost consciousness while lying supine in front of the television. "This was caused by a pretzel, he said. "This is nothing unusual or odd. I'm sure that many of you have also become unconscious - or even slipped into a brief, uneventful coma - eating snack foods." From White House.org. Bush's Blackout: A Salty Story with Many Twists
What do we really know about the incident? Could there be some kind of hidden scandal –- a top-secret Pretzelgate? Was he really watching football? Have Barney and Spot been deposed? Any chance al Qaeda was involved? Howard Kurtz of the Washington Post has the scoop. President Bush Vomits Pretzels and Beer in White House
"Not a day goes by without someone falling down drunk around here!" said an exasperated First Lady Laura Bush. "If it's not the twins or Bar, it's Bushie. Jiminy Cricket, if I'd wanted to spend my life surrounded by drunks, I never would have stopped teaching in public school!" Get the scoop from White House spiritual adviser Betty Bowers. Pretzel Eating in Safety and Comfort
A guide for the dangerously stupid. From The Brains Trust. Bush Bounces Back With Quips About His Snack Attack
President Bush, sporting a wicked red bruise on his left cheek, sent a big bag of pretzels back to the press cabin on Air Force One yesterday morning with a note scrawled in black on the plastic: "Chew slowly." Subscribe to the Political Humor Newsletter
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