Iraqi Prisoner Abuse Jokes

"John Kerry is on the attack and he has called now for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld. As a response, Rumsfeld stripped Kerry naked and ran him around on a leash." —David Letterman

"There is some very disturbing video that's being passed around that shows U.S. soldiers in the Abu Gharib prison involved in group sex or having orgies. ...You want to know how wild it is over there? I guess already six soldiers got purple hearts for chlamydia." —Jay Leno

"Congress now says they are reviewing the sex videos, so at least we have the comfort of knowing they’re being reviewed by experts in this area." —Jay Leno

"The Bush administration is now asking Congress for another 25 billion for the war in Iraq. I don't know what they're going to be buying with this money, but I think we can rule out anymore digital cameras." —Jay Leno

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said today that those pictures of Iraqi POW's being humiliated are deeply disturbing. Well dude what else is he going to say, 'Well you know, I found them to be kind of a turn on.'" —Jay Leno

"Here's how bad the situation in Iraq is right now. Supposedly we still have 40 rolls of film we're afraid to pick up at the Fallujah photo lab." —Jay Leno

"The prisoner scandal is yet another election year problem for President Bush. And, with the economy still struggling, combat operations in Iraq dragging on, and the 9-11 hearings revealing damning information, even an opponent of limited political skill should be able to capitalize on those problems. The Democrats, however, chose to nominate John Kerry." —Jon Stewart

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, facing growing demands that he resign or be fired, apologized to Congress on Friday for the abuse of Iraqi prisoners. Rumsfeld said, 'I take full responsibility. This happened on my watch. I feel terrible.' He went on to add, 'My heart goes out, yada yada yada, you had me at hello, blah blah blah, I'm a genius you're all morons, you can't handle the truth, can I go now, ahhh.'" —Tina Fey

"I don't want to say there's a lot of pressure on Rumsfeld, but today he called Vice President Dick Cheney and asked if he can borrow one of those secret, undisclosed locations just to kind of hang out in a little bit." —Jay Leno

"President Bush was on Arab TV to talk about the Iraqi POW abuse scandal. President Bush said, 'In a democracy, mistakes are investigated.' Well, not election mistakes." —Jay Leno