From Daniel Kurtzman,
Your Guide to Political Humor.
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"Some see the move as an attempt to preserve traditional values, while others see it as a cynical ploy to ensure that Vice President Dick Cheney will never have to pay for his gay daughter's wedding." —Jon Stewart, on President Bush's proposal for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage

"President Bush said today he's troubled by all the gay marriages. ... He said the only time two men should ever be in bed together is if one is a lobbyist and one is a politician." —Jay Leno

"Tempers are running really high in Washington about a lot of issues. Yesterday, Senator Arlen Specter and Senator Russ Feingold got into a shouting match over the issue of gay marriage. ... As a result, Specter and Feingold have cancelled their wedding in the Florida Keys." --Conan O'Brien

"Republicans say they plan to press for a constitution amendment to ban gay marriage. Because the founding fathers intended gay sex to be very casual. They didn't want it to be married." --Craig Ferguson

"President Bush has been hard at work trying to make it illegal for gay people to get married lately. It's a suspicious move for an ex-male cheerleader I have to say. He's got this bill ... that will define marriage between one man and one woman and possibly one other woman they meet in a hotel bar on a business trip. ... The president is also focused now on border security, especially gay border security" --Jimmy Kimmel

"More problems for Hillary Clinton. The head of New York state's leading gay rights group describes Hillary Clinton as a disappointment on same-sex marriage. Today, her husband bill described her as a disappointment on opposite-sex marriage." --Jay Leno

"Governor Schwarzenegger has come out against gay marriage and then he went back to slathering body oil all over his muscles in front of other guys." —Craig Kilborn

"If the last two days are any indication, the race for the White House will be pretty much decided by whether two middle-aged women can open a joint checking account." —Jon Stewart

"Although he supports a constitutional ban of gay marriage, President Bush says he supports a civil union. It has all the legal rights of a married couple but it's more like an arrangement than a real marriage. Hey, it worked for the Clintons." —Jay Leno

"President Bush says he's troubled by all the gay weddings that have been going on in San Francisco. Bush also says he's troubled by Bert and Ernie's relationship on 'Sesame Street.'" —Conan O'Brien "Yesterday Canada joined Spain to become one of the only countries to legalize gay marriage. As a result, Canada and Spain are going to spend the weekend antiquing in Vermont." --Conan O'Brien

"Conservative groups are demanding that President Bush support a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. They feel that when the founding fathers were putting the Constitution together they made a mistake by not outlawing it. Have you ever seen the paintings of the founding fathers? The powdered wigs, the frilly collars, the pedal pushers — I think they were for it." —Jay Leno

"Earlier today, President Bush said gay marriage is immoral and that heterosexual marriage must be defended, that's what he said. ... You can tell Bush is serious because he said the new Axis of Evil is Cher, Bette Middler and Clay Aiken." —Conan O'Brien

"Our governor here has weighed in on the San Francisco situation. He said he wants them to stop the gay marriages going on up there, but he said that he still supports same sex groping. ... Governor Schwarzenegger says this is not the proper venue to express gay sexuality, but try the locker room at Gold's Gym." —Bill Maher

"President Bush is out of control. Now he says he doesn't even want gays to plan weddings." —Craig Kilborn

"The Massachusetts court decision to allow gay marriages this week may prove to be a divisive issue in the upcoming presidential election. President Bush is likely torn because he has to protect what he sees as a sacred institution and yet he knows gay marriage would boost the economy because you know those gay guys would go all out. We're talking about designer wedding cakes, $20,000 sleeveless tuxedos, giant naked man ice sculptures that pee mojitos. They'd hire Pattie La Belle as the band, give out African parrots as party favors. It'd be ridiculous. Remember, whatever your political beliefs, a vote to allow gay marriage is a vote for a fabulous economy." —Tina Fey