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Michael Moore Quotes

Funny Quotations by Michael Moore

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"We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president. We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons. Whether it's the fictition of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war, Mr. Bush. hame on you. Mr. Bush, shame on you. And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up." --Michael Moore, in his 2003 Academy Awards acceptance speech

"He is probably choking on a pretzel or something. I hope nobody tells him that I have won this award while he is eating a pretzel. ... He has the funniest lines in the film. I am eternally grateful to him." --Michael Moore on President Bush, after winning the top prize at the Cannes film festival for his documentary film "Fahrenheit 9/11"

"I forgot out there on the stage to thank my cast. So if I could do that now, I want to thank Mr. Bush, Mr. Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld. I thought the love scene between Cheney and Rumsfeld brought a tear to my eye." --Michael Moore, on "Fahrenheit 9/11"

"Maybe it's a sick fantasy of mine, but I am really looking forward to a debate between a general and a deserter. Plus, I really want to hear President Bush have to say, 'Yes, General, No, General.'" –Michael Moore, on Wesley Clark

"I would like to apologize for referring to George W. Bush as a 'deserter.' What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar, and a functional illiterate. And he poops his pants" --Michael Moore

"The majority of Americans -- the ones who never elected you -- are not fooled by your weapons of mass distraction." --Michael Moore

"If someone did this [9/11] to get back at Bush, then they did so by killing thousands of people who DID NOT VOTE for him! Boston, New York, D.C., and the planes' destination of California -- these were places that voted AGAINST Bush!" --Michael Moore

"You know he's [George W. Bush] there illegally. You know he was not elected either by the popular vote or by the vote in Florida." --Michael Moore

"Librarians see themselves as the guardians of the First Amendment. You got a thousand Mother Joneses at the barricades! I love the librarians, and I am grateful for them!" --Michael Moore, after outraged librarians saved his book "Stupid White Men," when publisher HarperCollins insisted he rewrite it to be less critical of President Bush

"White people scare the crap out of me. … I have never been attacked by a black person, never been evicted by a black person, never had my security deposit ripped off by a black landlord, never had a black landlord … never been pulled over by a black cop, never been sold a lemon by a black car salesman, never seen a black car salesman, never had a black person deny me a bank loan, never had a black person bury my movie, and I've never heard a black person say, 'We're going to eliminate ten thousand jobs here - have a nice day!'" --Michael Moore, writing in "Stupid White Men"

"These bastards who run our country are a bunch of conniving, thieving, smug pricks who need to be brought down and removed and replaced with a whole new system that we control." --Michael Moore, writing in "Dude, Where's My Country?"

"It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo." —Steve Martin, after Michael Moore's Oscars speech
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