| The Best Humor of Campaign 2004 | |
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Top 5 'Onion' Articles
• Bush
2004 Campaign Pledges To Restore Honor And Dignity To White House
• Hundreds Of
Republicans Injured In Rush To Discredit Kerry
• Kerry
Unveils One-Point Plan For Better America
• Documents
Reveal Gaps In Bush's Service As President
• Cheney Vows
To Attack U.S. If Kerry Elected
Read
more election satire
Top 5 Misc. Links
• Howard
Dean Scream Remixes
•
Fahrenheit 9/11 Video Clips
• The Sloganator
• Capitol Steps:
Kerry vs. Bush Medley
"Our
enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking
about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
—George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch
video)
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —George W. Bush,
Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch
video)
"Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a — you've been given
sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign
entities." —George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch
video)
"After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week — we will have an all-volunteer army!" —George W. Bush, Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004 (Watch video)
"I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video)"During the debate, Bush was asked by a lady to name three mistakes he's made. Bush responded, 'This debate, the last debate and the next debate.'" —Bill Maher
"President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here." —David Letterman
"Bush bragged that more Iraqis say their country is on the right track than Americans say our country is on the right track. Boy, there's a campaign slogan for you — 'America: More F*cked Up Than Fallujah!'" —Bill Maher
"John Kerry said if President Bush is re-elected, he might bring back a military draft. When asked, Bush said, 'Trust me, even if I bring back the draft, there are plenty of ways to get around it.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Campaigning in Iowa yesterday President Bush vowed he will not raise taxes in the next four years. He said I believe it is hard, very difficult to raise taxes when you are not president." —Craig Kilborn
Read more Bush jokesTop 5 Kerry Jokes
"You see the pictures in the paper of John Kerry windsurfing? ... Even his hobby depends on which way the wind blows." —Jay Leno
"Pundits are saying that Kerry's message is garbled. You know you're doing badly when you're running against Bush, and you're the one who is garbled." —David Letterman
"We make jokes about it but the truth is this presidential election really offers us a choice of two well-informed, opposing positions on every issue. OK, they both belong to John Kerry, but they're still there." —Jay Leno
"They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.'" —Jay Leno
"Last week, Senator Kerry was eight points behind President Bush, today he is three points ahead. Is this the kind of indecision we want in a president?" —Announcer in a mock Bush-Cheney ad, "Late Show With David Letterman"
Read more Kerry jokesRelated Links
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