"Tough night for the Democrats. You know you're in trouble when your bright young star of the future is Frank Lautenberg." —David Letterman

"It wasn't a complete disaster for Democrats, they did keep control of 'West Wing.'" —David Letterman

"Time magazine said that George Bush lit up a cigar in the White House on Election night. Gee I hope it wasn't one of the cigars left over from the old Clinton thing." —Jay Leno

"As you know the Republicans now control everything in Washington — the House, the Senate, Supreme Court, the White House. Well the bad news, they got no excuse. You screw up this one, it's your fault." —Jay Leno

"President Bush told his staff 'Don't be sore winners.' He said 'Don't gloat about the vote.' But you know I think secretly he's enjoying this. Like today he said he'd like to work with both sides of Congress, the Republicans and the Democrat." —Jay Leno

"Because the election was such a disaster for the Democrats, it looks like the leader of the party might be stepping down. But enough about Barbra Streisand." —Jay Leno

"It's amazing how quickly the news changes. I mean it's hard to believe just ten days ago we believed Osama Bin Laden was dead the Democratic party was alive." —Jay Leno

"Everyone is talking about the election results this week. The White House is still celebrating. President Bush is particularly happy since these are the only midterms he's ever done well on." —Conan O'Brien

"Frank Lautenberg is off to Washington to represent the good people of New Jersey and do the best he can. He said earlier that he hopes to get in on some of the hot intern action." —David Letterman

Jon Stewart, on the Democrats' election strategy: "The strategy, I think, is perfect. In 2000, they ceded the presidency. Now they cede the presidency, the House, and the Senate, which will change the courts. So the Republicans, I think, in the next 25 years are really going to be held accountable for their complete and total power over the country. No, no, no. The Democrats have them exactly where they want them."
Fox News Channels' Gret Van Susteren: "So that's a complete victory for the Democrats on election night?"
Stewart: "Absolutely. Well, they were hoping to lose a few more governorships, but it didn't work out the way they had planned. I mean, if their strategy wasn't to lose this election, I almost can't fathom that because they played it perfectly. I loved how they brought out the idea of no message to the people. That is a new tactic that I think has not been tried before. I believe Van Buren actually tried it in his famous election with Polk."

"How about those election results? Big day for Republicans. Things went so well for Jeb Bush they didn't have to use the crooked voting machines." —David Letterman

"Call me sentimental, but wasn't it nice to see Walter Mondale come out of retirement for one last ass whoopin'?" —David Letterman

"Walter Mondale lost in Minnesota. I heard he had an exciting victory party planned. A nurse was going to jump out of a giant bran muffin." —Jay Leno

"Elizabeth Dole won her campaign, she had a terrific slogan 'Don't make me stay home with Bob all day!'" —Jay Leno

"Old habits are hard to break, sometime after midnight Al Gore conceded." —David Letterman

"In yesterday's election, Florida used a new touch-screen voting system. There were some problems in Palm Beach County, where older voters complained they couldn't withdraw money from it." —Craig Kilborn

"It's easy for us to sit here and critique Tom Daschle now because as we all know hindsight is 51-48." —Jon Stewart

"Which side shall prevail in this epic electoral tilt? Who shall control the future of fortress America? Will we be, as the Republicans desire, a nation of wealthy, heavily armed white men, befouling the air and water in a ceaseless quest for profit, beholden to no laws but those of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? Or shall we instead embrace the Democrats' vision of a namby-pamby quasi-socialist Republic with an all-homosexual army, flamboyantly defending a citizenry suckling at the foul teat of government welfare? The choice is yours fair maiden America, for the name of this feudal system is democracy." —Stephen Colbert, from the "Daily Show's" coverage of "Indecision 2002"

"Now that the Republicans will most likely control the House, the Senate and the White House, I would just like to say from everyone here at the show, we've always been with you guys." —Jon Stewart

"The big worry for this year's elections is apathy. You know it's a problem when there's a bigger line to see 'Jackass' than there is to vote." —Craig Kilborn

"USA Today is reporting that President Bush is in over a dozen commercials for congressional candidates across the country. [They're] so successful that President Bush is in line to replace the 'Dude, you're getting a Dell' guy." —Conan O'Brien

"Former Vice President Walter Mondale running for the Senate in Minnesota. He's hoping he can do what he did when he ran for president in 1984, carry one state." —Jay Leno

"In Ohio, some people will be going to the polls to re-elect disgraced Congressman James Trafficant, even though he's currently in prison. I guess if he's a congressman and already in jail, it saves a step." —Jay Leno

"Former President Clinton had a busy weekend campaigning for Democratic candidates. He was in 6 states, 10 cities, and 3 flight attendants." —David Letterman

"President Bush said today that it is our job to vote. That's what he called it, a job. And considering how the way economy is going, that may be the only job we have." —Jay Leno

"According to USA Today, President Bush is featured in television commercials for more than a dozen congressional candidates. In fact the Bush commercials are so effective, he's in line to replace the 'Dude you're getting a Dell' guy." —Conan O'Brien

"Former Vice President Walter Fritz Mondale was officially nominated by the Democratic party of Minnesota to replace Paul Wellstone on the ballot. Look out Michael Jordan, Mondale is the new comeback kid. Mondale became the party's top choice over the weekend after the Democrats inadvertently set their clocks back to 1976." —Craig Kilborn

"Congratulations to Saddam Hussein on being elected to another seven-year term. It was very close. He received 99 percent of the vote, and one percent of the vote went for last-minute candidate Frank Lautenberg." —David Letterman

"Frank Lautenberg is young enough to be Strom Thurmond's son but old enough to be Thurmond's daughters' grandfather." —Al Franken

"Robert Torricelli, a powerful fund-raiser who helped raise more than $100 million for the Democratic party, took inappropriate gifts from a businessman, including an $8,000 gold Rolex watch, for which he was severely admonished by the Senate Ethics Committee in July. To recap: raising $100 million in contributions from gigantic corporations — ethical; taking a watch — unethical. That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1974." —Jon Stewart

"Senator Robert Torricelli of New Jersey is stepping down after controversy. In a teary-eyed speech to his constituents today he said, 'I’ve given you 20 years of my life.' He said that — and in all fairness I think that's what he'll be getting — 20 years to life." —Jay Leno

"In polls in Florida, Jeb Bush is leading Democrat challenger Bill McBride by six points. However, since this is Florida there is a 2,000-point margin of error with the poll." —Jay Leno

"Al Gore asked Americans this week, 'Are you better today than you were two years ago?' And in Florida voters said, we don't understand the question, we're confused." —Jay Leno

"Before we bring democracy to Iraq or Afghanistan, it might be prudent to bring it to Florida. We don't have to bring regime change to the whole state. We can start bombing in Pensacola and work our way down." —Jon Stewart, on Florida's latest voting fiasco

"Janet Reno lost the democratic primary. When asked about it, Reno said, 'I feel like I've been kicked in the nuts.'" —Conan O'Brien

"Janet Reno lost the primary election for governor down there in Florida. They think what hurt her were the allegations of steroid abuse." —David Letterman

"This weekend big doings down in Florida. Former Attorney General Janet Reno is hosting a dance party at a Miami night club. Not only is she the guest of honor, she is also the bouncer." —David Letterman

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman