| John Walker Lindh Jokes | ||||||||||||
| Quips, Quotes & Late-Night Jokes | ||||||||||||
"American Taliban John Walker Lindh has pleaded guilty to two counts of terrorism and will face twenty years in prison. I guess that means his jihad is on ji-hold." —Jay Leno "A Pakistan businessman is claiming that John Walker Lindh is gay and that he was his lover. Say what you will about Lindh, but when this guy goes to play for the other team — he goes all the way ... So Lindh may be both a terrorist and a gay man. That may be John Ashcroft's worst nightmare." —Jay Leno "Time magazine has come out with a story saying that the 'American Taliban' John Walker Lindh might be a homosexual. Many people are now saying, well of course, there were signs and he was always the type of person to do whatever to fit in with any group. So when he was in Afghanistan he was saying he was Islamic and now that he's going to jail he's claiming he's homosexual, well sure." —Jay Leno "Today the Justice Department released e-mails where Walker criticized America. In the e-mails he said he never wanted to set foot in America again. See, that's the good part about hanging somebody. Their feet don't touch the ground." —Jay Leno "That American Taliban kid Johnny Walker was indicted today. Ten counts of terrorism. He could get 5 life sentences. In Taliban terms, that's 360 virgins." —Jay Leno "John Walker, while he was in Afghanistan, told people his goal was to have four wives. ... Do we need any further proof that this guy is out of his mind? Four wives? That's how al Qaeda gets you to become a suicide bomber." —David Letterman "Did you see Walker's father? 'My son loves America.' Yeah, like O.J. loved his wife." —Jay Leno "Johnny Walker, the American that fought for the Taliban, is now talking with an Arabic accent. Have you heard him? It's ridiculous. I know how we should handle him. Let's bring him back here and take him to Cleveland Browns stadium and dress him up as a referee. They'll know how to take care of him!" —Jay Leno "John Walker Lindh, a 20-year old American who had been studying in Pakistan has been captured in Northern Afghanistan fighting for the Taliban. Experts call it the worst semester abroad program ever." —Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" "Oliver North says he is very upset that John Walker could come back to this country and cash in on his celebrity status. He hates to see someone who did something wrong get rewarded by writing a book or getting a TV show out of it." —Jay Leno "Here's some news from Afghanistan. We're sending more troops to seal up the borders. Can we try that here? Three months, 12,000 pounds of bombs and billions and billions of dollars and the highest ranking enemy we've captured so far is an American." —David Letterman "More and more news coming about this guy John Walker, this dude who fought with the Taliban. Turns out he went to a terrorist school in Afghanistan. A terrorist school — or, as we call it here, pre-law." —Jay Leno "Did you hear about this 20-year-old kid named John Walker from Northern California who was apparently fighting for the Taliban?... It didn't take long for the TV networks to jump on this Walker thing. CBS has a new show: 'Walker: Taliban Ranger.'" —Jay Leno "In Afghanistan, U.S. troops are now holding an American man who has been fighting alongside the Taliban. His mother says he was born in Washington, D.C. and his father's a lawyer. Well, that explains it. ... He surrendered to authorities and said he wants to go back to his old job — airline security guard." —Jay Leno |
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