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The Simpsons: Krusty For Congress

Episode Highlights

 

On Sunday's episode of "The Simpsons," the family decided that Krusty the Clown should run for Congress. Some highlights:
      Marge: "Why is that jet flying so close to our house?"
      Lisa: "They must have moved the flight paths over our house." Lisa continues: "Dad, why don't you go to the airport authority and complain?"
      At the complaint dept. the family is told: "Go up to room 915 and ask for form 1790."
      Marge: "We've already been to room 915. We've already filled out form 1790."
      Homer: "With an application to open a Cinnabon stand."
      Marge: "Can you please just tell us why you changed the flight paths."
      Complaint Dept.: "They were changed because it disturbed local wildlife and their mating rituals."
      Marge: "There has to be a solution that pleases everyone. From ducks and trees to you's and me's."
      Complaint Dept.: "Are you threatening a government official?"
      Marge: "No."
      Complaint Dept.: "Good because we're the government, we make the laws, we make the money and we breed the super soldiers. So go home, learn to live with it, pay your taxes and remember, you didn't hear anything about super soldiers."
      Lisa: "Why don't we go to our Congressman."
      Bart: "Hey, Krusty should run for Congress. He could help us with the airplanes."
      Lisa: "Yeah, entertainers are always winning elections, Jesse the Body Ventura, Sonny Bono, Gopher from 'Love Boat,' Mary Bono."
      And at the Springfield GOP Headquarters, Mr. Burns opens the meeting with: "Welcome fellow Republicans. To start on new business, brother Hibbert will read a report on our efforts to rename everything after Ronald Reagan."
      Hibbert: "All Millard Fillmore schools are now Ronald Reagan. The Mississippi River is now the Mississippi Reagan."
      Burns: "Who will we put up for young Wilcox's congressional seat."
      Krusty: "Gentlemen, I am your candidate. There's just one thing. Are you guys any good at covering up youthful, middle aged indiscretions?"
      Burns: "Are these indiscretions romantic, financial or treasonous?"
      Krusty: "Russian hooker, you tell me."
      Burns: "We'll say you were on a fact finding mission."
      Hibbert: "Congratulations Krusty, you're running for Congress."
      In a TV debate between the two candidates, the reporter notes: "Welcome to Fox News, your voice for evil. Tonight we'll be interviewing the top two candidates for Springfield's 24th congressional district. For the Republicans, beloved children's entertainer, Krusty the Clown. And for the Democrats, this guy.
      Armstrong: "I have a name."
      Reporter: "Yes, I'm sure you do comrade. I do appreciate you're being here, you're usually so mired in sleaze, it must be an effort to come down to the studio."
      Krusty: "May I say something?"
      Reporter: "Certainly, Congressman."
      Armstrong: "He hasn't won yet."
      Reporter: "You make a very adulterous point. We will now conclude this debate with a Krusty campaign commercial."
      While the debate was airing, the following ran on the news ticker: "Pointless news crawls up at 37 percent. ... Do Democrats cause cancer? Find out at Foxnews.com. ... Rupert Murdoch: Terrific Dancer. ... Dow down 5000 points. ... Study: 92 percent of Democrats are gay. ... JFK posthumously joins Republican Party. ... Oil slicks found to keep seals young, supple. ... Dan Quayle: Awesome."
      And on election night, Krusty: "I won. I'm a Senator."
      Lisa: "Congressman."
      Krusty: "Whatever."
      In Congress, proposing legislation, Krusty asks: "Where is everybody?"
      A Rep.: "No one shows up unless there's a vote."
      Krusty: "Why are you here."
      Rep.: "I steal stuff when everyone else is gone."
      Janitor: "I think I can help. I've been working in this town for a long time and I know how to get things done."
      Homer: "Beat it."
      Marge: "No let's hear him out. He looks a little like Walter Mondale."
      Janitor: "Yeah, looks like. Let's just say I know how a bill becomes a law."
      Lisa: "Oh that's easy. First it's introduced then it goes to committee."
      Janitor: "Wrong. That's wrong. Well I'll show you how things really work around here."
      Bart: "Congressman I have a tape here showing you using your free mail privilege to send a get well card to your aunt."
      Rep.: "I'm ruined. Maybe I wanted to be caught."
      Janitor, to Homer: "That southern congressman is your biggest obstacle. You have to drink him under the table so he misses the vote tomorrow." To Lisa: "Now your job is to attach Krusty's bill to a more popular bill, one that can't fail."
      Rep.: "The House will now consider the Flags for Orphans bill."
      After passage, Krusty: "The system worked. I have become enchanted and illusioned with Washington."
      Janitor: "The reason it all worked is because you all did your part."
      It ends back home in Springfield. Bart: "At last those planes are flying where they belong."
      Homer: "That's right, over the homes of poor people" (Fox, March 9, 2003).

Related Links
Fox News Threatened to Sue 'The Simpsons'
Politics and 'The Simpsons'

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