| Terror Humor | ||||||||||
| Late-Night Jokes and One-Liners | ||||||||||
"He's a 6-foot-5 Arab on dialysis. Why is that so hard to find? Call me crazy, but look for a guy connected to his luggage." —Robin Williams, on Osama bin Laden "Yesterday, members of Congress urged Americans to remain calm and not panic, as they ran screaming down the Capitol steps." —David Letterman, on the anthrax scare "Even though bin Laden is said to have fled to Pakistan more than a week ago, U.S. officials said they will continue to bomb Afghanistan as long as Geraldo is there." —Jay Leno "Tom Ridge announced a new color-coded alarm system. Green means everything's okay. Red means we're in extreme danger. And champagne-fuschia means we're being attacked by Martha Stewart." —Conan O'Brien "This thing is so confusing. Yesterday the alert went from blue to pink; now half the country thinks we're pregnant." —Jay Leno, on Tom Ridge's color-coded terror alert system "People are getting back to normal. Why, just today Mayor Giuliani said it was OK to give people the finger again." —David Letterman "Security here in New York City is still very tight. Hookers in Time Square now are demanding two forms of fake ID." —David Letterman "President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent." —Jon Stewart "One thing we learned, bombing works. We've flown
over 2,800 sorties, dropped 15 tons in warheads, and done $39 in damage. But
we're a compassionate nation and when this is all over, we're going to put
the rocks and dirt back." —Al Franken "They live in caves. So we came up with burrowing bombs.
Doesn't that mean we're creating more caves? In some parts of the country it's
got to be considered a redevelopment project. For them, this is Habitat for
Humanity." —Will Durst "Can we be funny?" |
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