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Osama's Inter-Cave Memo
From: Bin Laden, Osama
Sent: Monday, October 22, 2001 8:17 AM
To: Cavemates
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours
but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar
for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as
the one that says
"Hang In There, Baby." That cat is
hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care
of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned
about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in
our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I so we need to sweep
the cave daily.
I've posted a sign up sheet near the main cave
opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address
but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay?
That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the
background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you
know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to
just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its
recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top
shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.
Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American
soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to
look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.
Death to infidels,
Osama
Source: This piece aired on the NPR program
"Rewind" and was written by
Staff Writer/Producer John Moe
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