Dear kindhearted friends...
Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those truly in need.
Enron executives right here in America, not some obscure third world toilet of a country, are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level. This cannot be allowed to happen right here in our very own land of plenty.
As if that weren't bad enough, these same executives will be deprived of it as a result of the bankruptcy and current SEC investigation.
BUT NOW, YOU CAN HELP!
For a mere $20,835 a month, less than $700 a day (that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV) you can help an Enron executive remain economically viable during his time of need. This contribution by no means solves the problem, as it barely covers their per diem...........but it's a start!
Almost $700 may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an Enron exec it could mean the difference between a vacation spent sucking up to some congressional committee or legislator who happily took PAK money from Enron, but now does not know who they are. Versus golfing in Florida or a Mediterranean cruise or taking one of the corporate jets to check the new decorating at one of their houses in Aspen.
For you, seven hundred dollars is nothing more than rent, a couple of car payments or a mortgage payment. But to an Enron exec, $700 will almost replace his per diem.
Your commitment of less than $700 a day will enable a Enron exec to buy that home entertainment center, trade in the year-old Lexus for a new Ferrari or enjoy a weekend in Rio.
HOW WILL I KNOW I'M HELPING?
Each month, you will receive a complete Arthur Andersen audited financial statement on the exec you sponsor. Detailed information about his stocks, bonds, real estate, and other investment holdings will be mailed to your home. You'll also get information on how he plans to invest his golden parachute. Just imagine the joy as you watch your executive's portfolio double or triple! Plus upon signing up for this program, you will receive an unsigned photo of the exec (for a signed photo, please include an additional $5000.00). Put the photo on your refrigerator to remind you of other peoples' suffering.
HOW WILL HE KNOW I'M HELPING?
Your Enron exec will be told that he has a SPECIAL FRIEND who just wants help in a time of need. Although the exec won't know your name, his cell phone's speed dialer will be reprogrammed to the number of a special operator who will be able to make collect calls to your home just in case additional funds are needed for unexpected expenses. You just never know if your exec might spot some "gotta have" bauble at a charity silent auction or a set of the latest greatest golf clubs or such necessities as tuition to private schools for the kids and we will not even bring up the subject bigger better badder faster boats.
YES, I WANT TO HELP!
Sign me up, I would like to sponsor an Enron executive.
My preference is checked below:
[ ] Mid-level Manager.
[ ] Director.
[ ] Vice President (Higher cost; please specify which department).
[ ]President (Even higher cost).
[ ]Former CEO (Remember, this person will never be invited to the White House again.Imagine his suffering. His needs will, out of necessity, require a much higher contribution and may require the establishment of an off balance sheet partnership with other like-minded benefactors.
Andersen Consultants, LLP can be counted on to handle the details of any partnerships in a most discrete fashion and with a minimum of disclosure).
[ ] Entire Company
[ ] I'll sponsor an Exec most in need. Please select someone whose unexercised options are really underwater.
Please charge the account listed below $1001.01 per day and send me a picture of the Enron executive I have sponsored.
As a bonus for you generosity, you will receive a T-Shirt you can wear with pride proclaiming your commitment to this worthy cause emblazoned with the following:
Keep America Strong, Support an Enron Executive Ask me how