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French Jokes - Funny Quotations About France
"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these
drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by
prostitutes." —Mark Twain
"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one
behind me." —General George S. Patton
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion." —Norman Schwartzkopf
"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
—Marge Simpson
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac,
President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." —Rush Limbaugh
"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee." —Regis Philbin
"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any
better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in
Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting
inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." —P.J O'Rourke
(1989)
"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the
1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face
for it." —John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
"They've taken their own precautions
against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct
tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." —Argus
Hamilton
"The only way the French are going in is
if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller
"I would call the French scumbags, but
that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade
Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller
"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he
hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French,
people." —Conan O'Brien
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam
out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of
France!" —Jay Leno
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof,' it came marching into
Paris under a German flag." —David Letterman
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb
and all of Europe revolves around him.
An old saying: Raise your right hand if you
like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French.
Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser
has to keep France.
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