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McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card
The following questionnaire was posted very
briefly on the McDonnell Douglas web site by an employee there. Management made
the web department take it down immediately.
_____________________
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas
military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few
moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new
products that
best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr.
[_] Mrs.
[_] Ms.
[_] Miss
[_] Lt.
[_] Gen.
[_] Comrade
[_] Classified
[_] Other
First Name: ...............................................
Initial: ........
Last
Name.................................................
Password: .............................. (max.
8 char)
Code Name:
................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ...........
............
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[ ] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19... /.... /.....
4. Serial Number:
.......................................
5. Please indicate where this product was
purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[ ] Catalogue / showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please indicate how you became aware of the
McDonnell Douglas product
you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that
most influenced your
decision
to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please indicate the location(s) where this
product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please indicate the products that you
currently own or intend to
purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your
organization? (Indicate all
that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas
product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us better understand our customers,
please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating
on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will
be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in
the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from
other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you
will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing
Department Military, Aerospace Division
IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use
of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is
confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low
self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not
the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email
is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an
irritating social faux pas. Unless the word "absquatulation" has been
used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not
have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.
No animals were harmed in the transmission of
this email, although the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me
tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be
gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this
warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by
pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can
ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email
in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for
40 minutes. Whisk briefly and let it stand for 2 hours.
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