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Computer Viruses

The following information is from credible intelligence sources on the latest viruses sweeping across our nation's information superhighway, so take extreme caution and be on high virus alert at all times!

THE GEORGE W BUSH VIRUS - Causes your computer to keep looking for  viruses of mass destruction

THE JOHN KERRY VIRUS - Reverses every position each time you turn your computer on 

THE AL GORE VIRUS - Causes your computer to keep counting, recounting,  recounting ... ad nauseam

THE BILL CLINTON VIRUS - Gives you a permanent hard drive, with no memory 

THE BOB DOLE VIRUS  - Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

THE LEWINSKY VIRUS - Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails your best friends about what it did).

THE RONALD REAGAN VIRUS - Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored

THE JESSE JACKSON VIRUS - Warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background and rhyming it all

THE MIKE TYSON VIRUS - Quits after two bytes

THE OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS - Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200

THE JACK KEVORKIAN VIRUS - Deletes all old files

THE PROZAC VIRUS - Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO VIRUS - Only attacks minor files

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS - Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back

THE MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS - Attacks only minor files

THE LORENA BOBBITT VIRUS - Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through Windows

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