| Decoding Enronspeak | |||||||||||||||||
| What They Said vs. What They Meant | |||||||||||||||||
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Can't tell a Lay from a lie? Here's a translation guide to help you decipher all the doublespeak surrounding the Enron debacle. |
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By Daniel Kurtzman What he said: "I come here today with a profound sadness about what has happened to Enron, to its current and former employees, retirees, shareholders, and other stakeholders." —Former Enron Chairman Ken Lay, testifying before Congress What he meant: "I come here today with a profound sadness about what has happened to three of my four properties in Aspen, my jet, my baseball stadium, and my all-access pass to the White House." What he said: "I have been instructed by my counsel not to testify....I am deeply troubled about asserting these (Fifth Amendment) rights, because it may be perceived by some that I have something to hide." —Ken Lay What he meant: "My counsel is deeply troubled because I have something to hide." What he said: "Mr. Lay, I've concluded that you're perhaps the most accomplished confidence man since Charles Ponzi. I'd say you're a carnival barker, except that wouldn't be fair to carnival barkers. A carnie will at least tell you up front that he's running a shell game." —Sen. Peter Fitzgerald (R-Ill.) What he meant: "How come I only got a measly $18,000 in campaign contributions when you were giving other Senators double and triple that?" What he said: "I did not believe the company was in any financial peril. I absolutely, unequivocally thought the company was in good shape." —Former Enron chief executive Jeffrey K. Skilling, during congressional testimony What he meant: "I know nothing, I see nothing, I hear nothing." What she said: "I am incredibly nervous that we will implode in a wave of accounting scandals." —Enron whistle blower Sherron Watkins, in a memo to Ken Lay months before Enron spiraled into bankruptcy What she meant: "You should be incredibly nervous that I will distribute this memo to reporters after Enron implodes in a wave of accounting scandals." What he said: "I did not have political relations with that man, Ken Lay." —Sen. Fritz Hollings (D-S.C.), poking fun at Bush for distancing himself from Enron What he meant: "Ken Lay flashed Bush his thong." What he said: "What I'm outraged about is that shareholders and employees didn't know all the facts about Enron." —President Bush What he meant: "I knew all the facts about Enron. Where are my Cheez Doodles?" What he said: "My own mother-in-law bought stock last summer, and it's not worth anything now." —President Bush What he meant: "My mother-in-law was the only member of the family who couldn't figure out how to profit from Enron, and she's not worth anything now." What he said: "It would make it virtually impossible for me to have confidential conversations with anybody. ...You just cannot accept that proposition without putting a chill over the ability of the president and vice president to receive unvarnished advice." —Dick Cheney, refusing to turn over records of the Bush administration's meetings with its energy task force What he meant: "Turning over the records may be a sign of personal virtue, but it is not an effective way to build a sound, comprehensive re-election strategy." What he said: "We're not going to let the ability for us to discuss matters between ourselves to become eroded. It's not only important for this administration, it's an important principle for future administrations." —President Bush, backing up Cheney's refusal to turn over records of the energy task force What he meant: "It's not only important for this administration, it's an important principle for Jeb's administration and for Jenna and Barbara's administrations." What she said: "The only thing I know, 100 percent for sure, is that my husband is an honest, decent, moral human being who would do absolutely nothing wrong. That I know 100 percent." —Linda Lay, wife of Ken Lay What she meant: "The only thing I know 100
percent for sure is that my husband will receive a full presidential pardon on
Christmas Eve, 2004."
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