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Republican Convention Jokes

Best Jokes About the 2012 Republican National Convention


Republican Convention Jokes
See Also:
Best Convention Memes
Best Mitt Romney Jokes
Best Paul Ryan Jokes
Funniest GOP Convention Tweets

"Paul Ryan made a speech the other night, even a columnist for Fox News said it set a world record for the greatest number of lies in a single speech. To which Mitt Romney said, 'Game on.'" –Bill Maher

"Fox News's coverage of the Republican convention got beat in their ratings by 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.' That's not a good comment on America. One is a view of the world as seen through the eyes of a redneck child, and the other is 'Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.'" –Bill Maher

"Clint Eastwood came out at the Republican convention and did ten minutes of wingnut improv. It was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican party -- a confused old person yelling at something that doesn't exist." –Bill Maher

"Didn't you love that part where Clint pretended that he was talking to an invisible Obama? And this Obama was not a nice guy. This Obama was telling Romney to go f**k himself. Isn't that something? Even people who don’t' exist hate Mitt Romney." –Bill Maher

"I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe, bear so little resemblance to the world and the President that I experience. And now I know why. There is a President Obama that only Republicans can see." –Jon Stewart on Clint Eastwood's "invisible Obama" speech at the Republican convention

"Paul Ryan is getting criticized today for his speech. The fact checkers say it was full of inaccuracies and misinformation. See, that's what was great about Sarah Palin. When she was the nominee, she never deliberately misstated a fact. She did it out of pure ignorance." –Jay Leno

"Clint Eastwood was the mystery guest tonight at the Republican convention. Finally, a senior citizen who scares Paul Ryan." –Jay Leno

"The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality." –Bill Maher

"Chris Christie was on the stage for 16 minutes before he mentioned Mitt Romney and 30 seconds before he mentioned Breyer's ice cream." –David Letterman

"It's been reported the Republican convention decided not to show a hologram of Ronald Reagan for fear it would overshadow Mitt Romney. It's never a good sign when your candidate is in danger of being overshadowed by something that technically doesn't make a shadow." -Conan O'Brien

"In his speech, Mitt Romney reached out to women, he reached out to blacks, he reached out to Latinos. No one reached back." –David Letterman

"Tampa could be hit by Hurricane Isaac, and they might have to cancel or postpone the Republican National Convention. A hurricane headed directly for the Republicans. More proof that God is a woman." –David Letterman

"Let me get this straight. So if your dry cleaning business succeeds with a Democrat in office, you built that! But if your dry cleaning business fails with a Democrat in office, the government f**cked you." –Jon Stewart, on Paul Ryan's assertion that individuals who are "feeling left out or passed by" should blame government, not themselves

"Have you folks been enjoying the Republican convention? Ann Romney was great. She said it's all about love. Then Chris Christie followed up by saying, "It's not about love, it's about respect." Will you people get on the same page? Which is it? Is it love or respect?" -David Letterman

"A hurricane is scheduled to hit Tampa during the Republican Convention. These winds are so strong they could actually blow some Mitt Romney's money back in the United States." –Jay Leno

"Ann Romney: Mitt has never let his success go to his head. Take away the seven-thousand-square-foot house in La Jolla and the bank account in the Caymans, he’s still the same fun-loving boy who pinned a gay kid to the ground and cut off his hair." -Andy Borowitz

"The winds in Tampa are so strong today, they blew the dog off the top of Romney's car." –David Letterman

"This year the theme of the Republican Convention is '50 Shades of White.'" –David Letterman

"Hurricane Isaac turned out to be not much of a threat to the Republican convention. But to their credit, the Republicans had a contingency plan. If the hurricane did hit hard, delegates were instructed to evacuate to Mitt Romney's tax shelter." -Jay Leno

"Chris Christie gave the keynote address. In his speech he said the word 'I' 37 times, 'Romney' 7 times, and "jobs" only once. And then there was the 622 times he said the word "ham.'" -Conan O'Brien

"The Republican National Convention is in full swing in Tampa. Speeches are being made. Hats flown in the air. Everyone gets their own hippie to slap around." -Craig Ferguson

"Rush Limbaugh blamed Obama for the Tampa hurricane. You do what you want, but I'll def vote for THE GUY WHO CAN CONTROL THE F**KING WEATHER." -Mark Agee on Twitter

"Welcome delegates to the 2012 Republican Convention! Remember to set your watches back 400 years." –Andy Borowitz on Twitter

"During tonight's convention, many observers are predicting that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will severely damage the Republican platform....by standing on it." –The Capitol Steps

"If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born." –Andy Borowitz on Twitter

"It looks like Hurricane Isaac has delayed the Republican convention for one day. This is a big storm. In fact, Isaac has scared more senior citizens than Paul Ryan." -Jay Leno

"A hurricane could threaten next week’s Republican National Convention in Tampa. It could really hurt Republicans — which explains its name, 'Hurricane Todd Akin.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Today the Republicans are getting ready for the convention. They're busy down there in Florida auditioning minorities." –David Letterman

"Republicans are as excited about Ryan as they were four years ago about a woman they are now banning from the convention." –Andy Borowitz on Twitter

"Due to Hurricane Isaac, the War on Women has been postponed until Tuesday." –Andy Borowitz on Twitter

"It seems the GOP has placed 13,000 umbrellas in bins outside the hall for people to use. Delegates can't bring them inside for security reasons, so after you use the umbrella, you drop it off for the next person to use. That sounds like creeping socialism." –Jay Leno

"To prepare for the Republican Convention, a strip club in Tampa, Florida has hired a Sarah Palin look-a-like to perform. This stripper is so much like Sarah Palin, she actually has written on her hand, 'take off top, shake breasts, swing around pole." –Jay Leno

"Sarah Palin is saying she still hasn’t been invited to the Republican National Convention next month. The RNC says it’s all a misunderstanding — as in, Palin misunderstands the meaning of the phrase, 'You're not invited.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Beginning Monday is the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida. Do you know what the theme is this year? Room Service and Hookers." –David Letterman

"They’re all going down to Tampa where an Evangelical party is going to nominate a Mormon and a Catholic and then get wiped out by a hurricane…leaving Florida to the Jews as God intended." –Bill Maher

"Everyone is making contingency plans. Paul Ryan went to Florida early, Mitt battened down his hair, and Newt Gingrich says he likes hurricanes and said he looks forward to getting blown behind a dumpster." –Bill Maher

"Actually Mitt Romney is worried sick about this hurricane. It could ruin everything. Not because of the convention. Because it's headed straight for the island where he keeps his money." –Bill Maher

"They're now worried that Tropical Storm Isaac could hit Florida during next week's Republican convention. But Florida is ready for it. Thanks to President Obama's economic policies, many businesses down there are already boarded up." –Jay Leno

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is doing the keynote speech at the Republican Convention. He didn't want to, but they're going to lure him in by having Paul Ryan drive the Wienermobile." –Bill Maher

"Donald Trump says he has a big surprise in store for everybody at the Republican National Convention this year - a surprise he says people will love. So apparently he's not going." –Jay Leno

"Ever since it was announced Sarah Palin will not be speaking at the Republican Convention, the Romney campaign has been flooded with thousands of texts and emails demanding that she be allowed to speak... all from President Obama." –Jay Leno

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is going to be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention, and wherever Chris Christie goes you know what that means. That's right, unlimited bread sticks." –David Letterman

"CNN plans to air a 90-minute documentary on Mitt Romney before the Republican National Convention. Yeah, 90 minutes of Mitt Romney. Even Red Bull is like, 'This is outta my league, bro.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"It's now being reported that Joe Biden will go to the Republican convention to try to cause problems for Mitt Romney. Then after that, he will go to the Democratic convention where he will definitely cause problems for President Obama." –Jay Leno

"Tropical Storm Isaac is expected to develop into a hurricane in the next few days. Unfortunately, the Republican National Convention starts in Florida on Monday. The National Weather Service says the storm could reach category 5, which is strong enough to move Mitt Romney's part to the other side of his head." –Jimmy Kimmel

"It's National Senior Citizen’s Day, which is not to be confused with National Senior Citizen’s Week — the Republican Convention in Florida." –Jimmy Fallon

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