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John Boehner Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About House Speaker John Boehner

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John Boehner Jokes
"Today President Obama is visiting the hometown of House Speaker John Boehner. Obama plans to give a speech and then visit the tanning bed that Boehner grew up in." –Conan O'Brien

"The world's saddest tangerine." –Jon Stewart on John Boehner

"Speaker John Boehner complained that Obama ordered the U.S. military into combat in Libya without clearly defining the mission to the American people and Congress. See, apparently, you’re only allowed to do that when invading Iraq." —Jay Leno

"It is cold down in Washington, D.C. They had to use an ice scraper on John Boehner's face to get the tears off, it was so cold." —David Letterman

"This guy is an ad for Paxil." —Bill Maher on John Boehner crying at a ceremony recognizing the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's inauguration

"Next week Boehner will be sitting behind Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely try to embarrass him by telling the story of 'Old Yeller.' The state of our Union is strong, but not so good for one special dog.'" —Bill Maher

"John Boehner chose a huge gavel. I think somebody’s compensating for his small government." –Stephen Colbert

"In his first speech as Speaker, Boehner thanked his loved ones – tobacco lobbyists, the oil companies, the CEOs." –Jay Leno

"How about the new Speaker of the House, John Boehner. Have you seen this guy's enormous gavel. I'm telling you, if in four hours, that gavel is still that size, he's got to call a doctor." –David Letterman

"John Boehner -- doesn't he look like every guy you've ever seen at a hotel bar? He looks like the kind of guy who licks his thumb when he counts his money." –David Letterman

"John Boehner will be the new speaker unless, out of habit, he blocks his own confirmation." –Stephen Colbert

"John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. It is the highest elected office ever to be reached by an Orange-American." –Daily Show correspondent Olivia Munn

"Happy birthday to Rep. John Boehner from Ohio. If you want to get him a present, you can't go wrong with bronzer. Or you can get him a giant bed so the banking, oil, and defense industries can get in it with him." –David Letterman

"Rep. John Boehner is the new speaker of the House. Turn-ons include tax cuts and spray tans." –Craig Ferguson

"Ohio Republican John Boehner will take over for Nancy Pelosi. Those are some big eyes to fill." –Jay Leno

"All his life people have called John Boehner 'Boner,' and now America is going to pay. It's the reason his brother Dick stayed out of politics altogether." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Did you see the new speaker of the House John Boeher cry? He cries a lot. Mr. Boehner you've got to stop crying. For one, your tan is going to run. And what's he going to do if he loses next time? Put on a Bjork record and cut himself?" –Bill Maher

"Well, it looks like John Boehner will be the new Speaker of the House. He is the son of a bartender, one of 12 children. He grew up in a two room home with just one bathroom, worked his way through school, became the first person in his family to graduate from college. And, sadly, fell in with the wrong crowd and wound up in Congress." –Jay Leno

"Isn’t fall in New York City great? The colors are brown, gold, and orange. And that’s just John Boehner’s face." –David Letterman

"You know who Boehner is, right? He's that orange looking guy. See, for Republicans that counts as diversity." –Jay Leno

"Boehner is very serious about cutting back on spending. I saw him today touching up his tan with an orange sharpie." –Jay Leno

"House Minority Leader John Boehner says he has never been in a tanning bed and that he gets his dark complexion from his mother. Either he's lying or Snooki's a lot older than she's telling us. " –Jimmy Fallon

"The healthcare debate is getting ugly. Today, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and House Minority Leader John Boehner got into such a heated argument that Boehner missed his appointment at the tanning salon and Pelosi was late for Botox injections." –Jay Leno

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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