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Al Gore Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Al Gore

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"In front of a crowd in Florida this past weekend, Al Gore said that, 'The people of the United States are going to stand up and take our country back." And then the manager of the karaoke bar took the microphone away and said, "Either sing or sit down buddy." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book that no one will read." --Conan O'Brien

"At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming is so bad, if the presidential election were held today, Al Gore would still lose." --Jay Leno

"Former Vice President Al Gore gave a passionate 10 minute speech where he criticized President Bush for, quote, repeatedly breaking the law. Those who heard the speech called it the worst elevator ride ever." --Conan O'Brien

"Al Gore yesterday gave a speech an accused President Bush of repeatedly breaking the law. Al Gore issued the statement into a microphone at Taco Bell." --David Letterman

"Al Gore said over the weekend that global warming is more serious than terrorism. Unless the terrorist is on your plane, then that extra half a degree doesn't bother you so much." --Jay Leno

"They say Saddam is delusional. He still thinks he's president and gives speeches standing next to his bed at night. No, wait, that's Al Gore." --Jay Leno

"Al Gore was speaking at a pep rally in Central Park. Because when you think pep, you think Al Gore. I have to be careful about this, because Al Gore is, uh, not a dynamic speaker. Halfway through his speech, squirrels were climbing on him." --David Letterman

"Al Gore gave a fiery speech today claiming that American democracy was in grave danger ... and then his wife said 'Al, just pay the pizza guy and let's eat.'" --Jay Leno

"Al Gore gave a speech this week criticizing the Bush administration, really attacked him. And then Gore took questions from some of the other people waiting in line at Starbucks." --Jay Leno

"According to the Washington Post, 5 out of the top 8 FEMA officials got their jobs with no experience handling disasters, and many got their jobs just cause they worked on the Bush campaign. See this is wrong. If you want people experienced in handling disasters, get people who worked on the Gore campaign." --Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said the Iranian election was invalid and the winner was no friend to democracy. To which Al Gore said, 'Hey, tell me about it.'" --Jay Leno

"They're getting closer and closer to the trial for Saddam Hussein and, according to his prison guards hanging around Saddam Hussein, say he's hooked on Cheetos and Doritos. ... Kind of a strange picture, sitting around in his underwear eating Doritos, dreaming of the day he can return to power -- oh wait that's Al Gore." --David Letterman

"Al Gore announced that he's creating an independent cable TV network called Current that will be aimed at 18 to 34 year olds and focus on technology, culture, fashion, television, music, politics, parenting and the environment. Oh My God even his cable channel won't shut up." --Tina Fey

"Here is an interesting piece of inaugural history. Do you know which of our presidents had the shortest inauguration speech? Al Gore." --Jay Leno

"The New York Post reports John Kerry and Al Gore are going to run in 2008. Upon hearing this, President Bush said, 'Goody, I can win a third term.'" --Jay Leno "Al Gore is very sorry he didn't run. He was watching Kerry Wednesday night, and he said, 'that could have been my concession speech.'" --David Letterman

"Sparks were flying again today. Al Gore accused President Bush of using religion to support his presidency. And George Bush fired back that 'Al Gore's just mad because God made me president.'" --Jay Leno

"Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia said that sex orgies relieve tension and should be encouraged. Apparently, Justice Scalia got into group sex in 2000, after he and a group of four other justices got together and f----d Al Gore." --Bill Maher

"This year the Kerrys joined the Edwards at Wendy's for their anniversary and -- what a coincidence -- waiting on all of them was Al Gore." --David Letterman

"John Kerry earlier tonight accepted the nomination, and out of habit, Al Gore demanded a recount." --David Letterman

"A defiant George W. Bush intends to serve two terms in the White House ... Al Gore's and then his." --Jay Leno

"A fiery Al Gore called for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld, Condoleeza Rice, and CIA Director George Tenet. Bush was furious. He said to Gore, 'Hey, who elected you president?!'" --Jay Leno

"Al Gore is back, at a recent speech, he called for the resignation of Donald Rumsfeld. And Donald Rumsfeld, in response, he stripped Gore naked and ran him around on a leash." --David Letterman

"Al Gore gave a blistering speech today condemning the Bush administration and calling for everyone in Bush's cabinet to resign from office immediately. Finally the owner of the karoke bar said, 'Are you going to sing or what?'" --Jay Leno

"Al Gore has donated $6 million that he had left over from his presidential campaign to help the Democrats win back the White House. Think about that. He had $6 million left over and he lost by what, 500 votes? Al, what are you saving it for? Do you realize that if Al had given each of those voters $12,000, he'd be president right now." --Jay Leno
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