Obama Campaign Jokes

"Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. See, Joe Biden was right. 'Hostile forces will test him in the first few months.'" --Jay Leno

"President-elect Barack Obama is still looking for a new White House dog. The search is on. In fact, do you realize he has spent more time selecting a dog than John McCain did selecting a running mate?" --Jay Leno

"President Bush briefed President-elect Obama on the state of the nation this week. You know, look, I don't want to say things look bad, but Barack Obama's new slogan? 'Maybe We Can.'" --Jay Leno

"It's official. For the next four years, it will be pronounced 'nuclear' [on screen: photo of Obama]." --Seth Meyers

"Barack and Michelle Obama are looking for a church in Washington to attend. Apparently, the Obamas ask every prospective pastor the same question: 'Have you ever been videotaped screaming 'God damn America!'?" --Conan O'Brien

"There was a little confusion at the meeting there at the White House when President Bush was told that Obama was coming. He said 'Oh, you mean we caught him?'" --David Letterman

"The only awkward moment was when Bush complimented Obama on his campaign. He said, 'You did a heck of a job, Brownie.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Americans have finally got beyond our racial past, and picked a black man to clean up our mess." -Bill Maher

"Did you see Obama's news conference today? Wow. I have to say, nice to see adults back in charge of government. The White House press corps, you could tell, they were ecstatic. It's been years since they've heard a complete sentence." -Bill Maher

"Ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama is our new president. And I think I speak for most Americans when I say, anybody mind if he starts a little early?" --David Letterman

"And, of course, it was a huge celebration over at Barack Obama headquarters, otherwise known as MSNBC." --Jay Leno

"You know, do you realize this is our first black president since the first season of '24'?" --Jay Leno

"And people were worried about the Bradley effect. Apparently, it was not nearly as strong as the Bush effect." --Jay Leno

"See, I got to admit, as a comedian, I'm gonna miss President Bush. Because Barack Obama is not easy to do jokes about. He doesn't give you a lot to go on. See, this is why God gave us Joe Biden." --Jay Leno

"Last night, after Barack Obama was declared the winner, President Bush called Obama, promised to work with him to guarantee a smooth transition. Yeah. Yeah, when we heard this, Obama said, 'Thanks, but you've done enough.'" --Conan O'Brien

"According to recent news reports, Bill Clinton has now become an adviser to Barack Obama. Bill Clinton is giving advice to Barack Obama. Do you know who is really upset about this? Michelle Obama." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama was joined on stage by Bruce Springsteen in Ohio on Sunday. There was one tense moment when somebody in the audience yelled out, 'Born in the USA!' And Obama said, 'For the last time, yes, damnit, I was!" --Jimmy Kimmel

"I don't want to say that the Obamas are overly confident, but they've already agreed to let Oprah use their house in Chicago as a place to keep her dogs." –Jimmy Kimmel

"And how about last night, when Barack Obama had his half hour infomercial TV special. I mean, thank God! It's about time this guy got some media coverage, don't you think?" --David Letterman

"But I thought it was one of those heartwarming infomercials. It had a wonderful ending. In the final scene Barack Obama is adopted by Angelina Jolie." --David Letterman

"Hey, I watched 'American Idol' last night, the Barack Obama show. Did you all see Barack Obama’s infomercial? It was called 'American Stories.' You know why they called it 'American Stories'? I guess it sounded better than 'Barack Obama Running Out the Clock.'" --Jay Leno

"The show was very well done. I got to admit, I especially liked the end, where Barack rose to the heavens on a cloud. Wasn't that unbelievable?" --Jay Leno

"Earlier this evening, Barack Obama's 30-minute infomercial appeared on three of the major networks. ... Now, if you didn't see it, one part was a little odd. At the end, Barack said, 'If you vote now, we'll throw in a set of steak knives and a can of Oxiclean.'" --Jay Leno

"Oprah Winfrey says she plans to attend Barack Obama's election night rally in Chicago. So win or lose, Obama is going home with a new car." --Conan O'Brien

"After his big speech in North Carolina today, Senator Joe Biden said he was experiencing a sore throat and lost his voice. Boy, the good news doesn't stop for Barack Obama. Just one lucky break after another." --Jay Leno

"Political pundits say Colin Powell is the biggest political figure to endorse Barack Obama since Bill and Hillary. And the only one of those three that will actually vote for him." --Jay Leno

"With just 19 days left until the election, Barack Obama warned supporters today to guard against overconfidence. Then he boarded Air Force One, blasted 'We Are The Champions' and shouted 'I'm King of the World.'" --Amy Poehler

"And then today we found out, because McCain is so good at vetting, as we found out with Sarah Palin, that Joe the plumber, turns out, really isn't a licensed plumber, he's in trouble for not paying the taxes that he does owe, he isn't really close to buying any sort of plumbing company, and his name isn't Joe. Or, as the McCain campaign explained it, 'Who is Barack Obama?'" --Bill Maher

"I don't know if you heard the news, but Wall Street now is a farmer's market. I don't want to say things are going downhill quickly, but Obama's new campaign slogan is 'Are you better off than you were four days ago?'" --Bill Maher

"A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.' Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say 'Barack Hussein Osama.'" --Conan O'Brien

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

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