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Bush Inauguration Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About Bush's Second Inauguration

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Jon Stewart: "Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for –- the official halfway point of the Bush presidency."
President Bush: "I George Walker Bush do solemnly swear..."
Stewart: "At which point 49 percent of the country also solemnly swore."

"President Bush is being criticized because his inaugural celebration cost $40 million. When asked about it, the president said, 'Sorry, but my daughters insisted on an open bar.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Some people are criticizing President Bush for spending $40 million on his inauguration, but hey, give the guy a break, he's excited. After all, this is the first time he's really been elected." –Jay Leno

"You folks see the inauguration ceremony last night? George W. Bush sworn in as president? I'll tell you it is starting to look really bad for John Kerry. But it was nice to see a president put a hand on the Bible instead of an intern." --David Letterman

"Bush's inauguration address was interrupted 27 times for applause and three times for vacation." --David Letterman

"But you know the inauguration was a huge success -- President Bush raised 40 million dollars." --David Letterman

"A huge family night for the Bush family. This morning the Bush twins woke up in Lincoln's lap." --David Letterman

"The big inaugural was yesterday and yesterday President Bush's mother -- Barbara Bush -- brought a camera and was taking pictures the whole time. When asked why she said 'because my grand daughters won't remember any of this tomorrow'" --Conan O'Brien

"The parties have ended, the inauguration is over, it is back to work for President Bush. That's right -- today he left for a vacation." --Craig Ferguson

"If you watched it is was a very emotional moment. Laura Bush she had tears in her eyes. Barbara Bush -- his mother -- had tears in her eyes. John Kerry had tears in his eyes." --Jay Leno

"President Bush went back to Pennsylvania Ave and sat in a viewing stand. He thought there was going to be a parade everyday." --Jay Leno

"There were a total of ten balls last night and President Bush went to all ten. He even went to the Texas Air National Guard ball but no one recalls seeing him there" --Jay Leno

"In the speech President Bush said that as a country we have a calling from 'beyond the stars.' You know what this means? He’s drinking again." --David Letterman

"In preparation for his inauguration, President Bush was shown an original copy of the Constitution. When he saw the Constitution, Bush said, 'Oh, it's that thing from School House Rock.'" --Conan O'Brien

"CNN is reporting that a longtime friend of President Bush says that Bush is telling everyone, in the next four years he intends to be 'really aggressive'. 'Really aggressive'? In the past four years we launched what, two wars? What's 'really aggressive' going to look like? What, are we gonna bomb Canada now?" --Jay Leno

"Bush says being re-elected, he doesn't have the same pressure as the first time. He said he wants to enjoy himself in the Oval Office this time. Not as much as Clinton enjoyed himself." --Jay Leno

"Washington D.C. is on high alert for this week's inaugural event for President Bush. Anti-aircraft missals have been deployed near the capitol. F-16's are patrolling around the clock, and every bartender in town is on strict orders -- do not serve the Bush twins." --Craig Ferguson

"Historians say the most commonly used phrase at inaugurations is 'My fellow citizens.' However, the most commonly used phrase at President Bush's inauguration is expected to be 'My fellow United Statesers.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Traditionally the president's inaugural committee pays for these expenses; this time around it's stiffing the District of Columbia with a 12 million dollar security bill -- just their way of saying 'thank you' to the community that went nine-to-one for the president's opponent." --Jon Stewart, on security expenses for Bush's inauguration

"President Bush is getting ready for his inauguration next week. He's working on his speech. It's a pretty good speech. So far all he has is 'ask not what your corporation can do for you but what you can do for your corporation.'" --Jay Leno

"Security is a big issue this year. So the Secret Service announced that people attending President Bush's inaugural ceremony will not be allowed to bring coolers or alcoholic beverages. In other words, the Bush twins will not be going." --Conan O'Brien

"They say that the security arrangements for the up coming presidential inauguration will be the most extensive in history. And that's just to keep the Bush twins away from the champagne." --Craig Ferguson

"President Bush has been working on his inauguration, not the actual speech but the word inaugural." --Jay Leno

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