George Bush Jokes

"This week President Bush made a surprise visit to Afghanistan. The president said he heard it was a good place for an embattled leader to disappear into the mountains." --Tina Fey

"President Bush asked people around the world to stop the violence that has erupted over controversial cartoons in a Danish newspaper. President Bush said instead, let's go after the guy who makes the Junior Jumble so hard." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush met with the Prime Minister of Belgium and things got tense when the Prime Minister demanded the U.S. close the prison at Guantanamo Bay. President Bush quickly replied, 'The prison is closed. That's how we keep them in there.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Remember last week when Jessica Simpson declined to meet President Bush? She now says they have plans to sit down together and talk face-to-face. President Bush talking to Jessica Simpson? That should be a real no-brainer." --Jay Leno

"I'm surprised that Jessica Simpson is distancing herself from the president. I mean they have a lot in common: They're both from Texas, they're both under constant press scrutiny and they both have no clue about what's going on in Iraq." --Jay Leno

"More people, particularly Republicans, disapprove of President Bush's performance. They're questioning his character now and they no longer consider him a strong leader on terrorism. Yeah, apparently there's a little more to this whole presidency thing than just not getting blown." --Bill Maher

"President Bush says America has caused an incredible transformation in Afghanistan. He said everything's being rebuilt, people are getting jobs, kids are going back to school. He said it works so well that he's thinking of trying it in New Orleans." --Jay Leno

"President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing." --Jon Stewart

"Plans were announced to raise $300 million for the George W. Bush Presidential Library. $300 million. That's almost $150 million per book." --Jay Leno

"The video tape that everybody is talking about this week is the one of President Bush ... being warned by federal disaster officials repeatedly the day before Katrina struck. They're constantly saying to him it's going to happen and he doesn't ask a single question. I think it's a shame the president's performance was too late for this year's Oscars because, usually when you play a retarded guy, you're going to win." --Bill Maher

"President Bush, talking about the port deal, he said we Americans have nothing to fear from the Dubai government running our ports. I know a good way for President Bush to convince everyone of that -- let the Dubai government handle his security. Hey if it's good enough for us, it should be good enough for him." --Jay Leno

"The president has arranged for al Qaeda to guard our ports. This is part of his new plan to fight them here so we don't have to fight them there." --Bill Maher

"President Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White House's 'Don't ask him, don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

Read more Bush Jokes in Part 2 of this collection

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