Mel Gibson Jokes

"There's now a 48-hour cease-fire going on in the Middle East. Israel will stop attacking Hezbollah. But, Hezbollah will not necessarily agree to stop attacking Israel. Hey, we can't even get Mel Gibson to stop attacking Israel." --Jay Leno

"Mel Gibson apologized to the Jewish community for anti-Semitic remarks he made when he was drunk. Yeah, then Gibson apologized to Catholics for not being able to hold his liquor." –Conan O'Brien

"Mr. Gibson announced today that he will be entering rehab -- the Betty Ford Center for his alcoholism, and I believe the Henry Ford Center For Anti-Semitism." –Jon Stewart

"As you may have heard, Mel Gibson was arrested in Malibu on a DUI. I don't know what he was drinking but I think you can rule out Manischewitz." --Jay Leno

"The sheriff said that Mel’s blood alcohol was .12. Give you an idea how high that is, half a point higher and he would officially be a Kennedy." --Jay Leno

"They said on the news that if he is convicted he could face up to 14 days in the 'Thunderdome.'" --Jay Leno

"Police said today that they found a bottle of tequila in Mel’s Lexus. So let’s sum up what happened here; Mel Gibson, who grew up in Australia, was drinking alcohol from Mexico in his Japanese car while yelling about the Jews in Israel. You know where he was coming from? A Thai restaurant. Welcome to America." --Jay Leno

"Condoleezza Rice has been extremely busy this week, shutting back and forth between Israel and Mel Gibson's house." –Jay Leno

"It does not look good for Mel. A lot of people are very upset over his anti-Semitic remarks. In fact, even Louis Farrakhan said, "I can't believe what he said about he Jews.'" –Jay Leno

"There are people already trying to capitalize on the Mel Gibson Jewish controversy. In fact a DVD of the arrest just came out. It's called 'Goys Gone Wild.'" –Jay Leno

"There's some controvery about Mel Gibson's for a DUI in Malibu. They think he may have gotten special treatment. There's a police report that says instead of handcuffing him like they usually do, the arresting officer opened the door and asked Mel nicely to step in. I think right about now, Rodney King is going, 'I should have been an actor!'" --Jay Leno

"Mel Gibson learned his lesson. He said it's the last time he tries to outdrink Lindsay Lohan." --Jay Leno

"Mel Gibson said today he wants Jewish leaders to meet with him. My advice to Jewish leaders: Don’t go, it's a trap…Actually, they're still waiting to hear from the leader of LA's Jewish community, Madonna." --Jay Leno

"A lot of people mad at Mel Gibson. Yesterday on The View, Barbara Walters said because of his anti-Semitic remarks, she will never see a Mel Gibson movie again. Yeah, Walters said, as far as I'm concerned, he's Star Jones to me" –Conan O'Brien