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Crazy Astronaut Jokes

Late-Night Jokes about Diaper-Wearing Astronaut Lisa Nowak

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"How about that astronaut? She’s been up in the Space Station and she goes wacky and she puts on a wig and a diaper and drives 900 miles. I’m sorry, call me old fashioned, but I don’t recall Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong getting all worked up like this. That’s just what we need, a bunch of sex-crazed astronauts up there hitting on Martians." --David Letterman

"I thought the only space traveler who wore a wig and an adult diaper was William Shatner." --David Letterman

"Have you been following the story of this female astro-nut? She drove 900 miles from Houston Texas to Orlando, Fla., to confront the woman who was her romantic rival. She drove the whole time wearing a diaper so she didn’t have to stop and pee. And let me tell you something ladies, nothing turns a man on more than a woman with a full diaper." --Jay Leno

"When she was arrested, she was carrying a wig, a steel mallet, some duct tape, and a knife. Or as OJ calls it, an overnight bag." --Jay Leno

"A female astronaut has been arrested for attacking another astronaut's girlfriend with a BB gun, a mallet, and pepper spray, after she drove 900 miles wearing a diaper. After hearing about it, NASA officials said, 'We may need to add a new question to the astronaut entrance exam.'" --Conan O'Brien

"She told the police she was involved with another astronaut, and that it was ‘more than a working relationship, but less than a romantic relationship’ -- or as the Clinton’s call that, marriage." –Jay Leno

"There's a big love triangle. This woman astronaut was going to kidnap another woman because they were in love with the same guy. So this woman astronaut drives 900 miles wearing a wig and a diaper. This is one giant step for man, one giant leap to the nuthouse" --David Letterman

"It turns out the female astronaut was trying to kidnap the other woman because they're both in love with the same astronaut. The male astronaut was disappointed the female astronaut was arrested and said, 'I was hoping to get some tang.'" --Conan O'Brien

“As you know, she went to court yesterday and was released in her own incontinence.” –Jay Leno

"How about that story, you know the NASA astronaut? When they caught her, she was wearing a wig and an adult diaper. There was a lot of confusion, because originally, authorities thought she was Elton John." --David Letterman

"She drove 900 miles in a diaper. That’s pretty amazing. Britney Spears can’t even make it around the block in her underpants." --David Letterman

The astronaut love triangle. I love that one. NASA hasn’t had this much press since they faked that moon-landing thing in the ’60s." --Craig Ferguson

"Of course, since this is America, people capitalize on these things . . . have you seen these? Huggies with the 'Astronaut fit?'" --Jay Leno

"This female astronaut ... tried to kidnap and murder another NASA engineer, who was her romantic rival. She put on a wig and attacked the other woman with pepper spray and a BB gun, after driving 900 miles from Houston to Orlando, Florida, in diapers, so she wouldn't have to stop to pee. She drove 900 miles wearing diapers, thus breaking the old record set by Larry King." --Jay Leno

"I guess you know the big story today. Houston, we have a problem. Oh my god! The woman astronaut told police she was involved in a relationship with another NASA astronaut that was 'more than a working relationship but less than a romantic relationship.' or as NASA calls that, an unauthorized docking procedure." --Jay Leno
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