Social Security Jokes

"Dick Cheney said he felt terrible about shooting a 78-year-old man, but on the bright side, it did give him a great idea about how to fix Social Security." --Bill Maher

"In Camden, N.J., an 80-year-old has been working as a prostitute or, as people are calling it, the Bush Social Security plan." --Jay Leno

"President Bush's Social Security plan is in trouble, and Republicans are angry. They say everyone is attacking it and it is still a work in progress. They said, 'Of course it's not clear what the solution is -- we're still inventing the problem.'" --Bill Maher

"According to a new poll only 44% of Americans approve of President Bush's new plans for Social Security. 44%, or as Bush calls that, a mandate." --Jay Leno

"President Bush has started to make plans for what he's going to do after he leaves the White House. He better hurry up because under his plan he sure won't be able to live on Social Security." --Jay Leno

"As you know President Bush has been traveling around the country trying to sell his new Social Security plan. He wants to take our retirement money and invest it in the stock market. He says nothing can go wrong. I'll mention that to Martha Stewart the next time I see her." --Jay Leno

"President Bush made his case with Social Security reform. He said if you have a Social Security check you might want to cash it first thing in the morning." --Jay Leno

"Tonight in his speech, President Bush introduced his plan for Social Security. His plan: take the security part out of it." --Jay Leno

"A leading Republican said Sunday that President Bush is so worried about Social Security that he is only able to sleep ten hours a night." --Tina Fey

"According to the Congressional Budget Office, Social Security will be completely depleted by 2052, completely broke. Again I don't think President Bush understands these issues. He says '2052 -- well, that's all right, by then all our old people will be dead.'" --Jay Leno