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Democratic Convention Jokes

Late-Night Jokes about the 2008 Democratic National Convention


See Also:
Democratic Convention Cartoons
Democratic Convention Schedule
Barack Obama Jokes

"How about Hillary Clinton last night at the Democratic Convention in Denver? Wasn't that amazing? She wore a bright orange pantsuit. Looked like a CalTrans worker on the Hollywood Freeway." --David Letterman

"Hillary gave a rousing speech, it was so passionate, emotional, I'm telling you, Nancy Pelosi's face almost moved." --David Letterman

"And then earlier tonight, her husband Bill Clinton spoke at the convention, and what a great speech, what a tremendous speech. He got four standing ovations and five phone numbers." --David Letterman

"It's official, earlier today Hillary Clinton released her delegates, making it official, Barack Obama is now officially Democratic nominee for president. Very exciting. How many thought Hillary should have kept her delegates and released Bill?" --Jay Leno

"And Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi in her speech, praised Joe Biden, calling him the 'full package,' that's what she called him, that's the actual term she used, she called him the 'full package.' Now he's getting phone calls from Senator Larry Craig." --Jay Leno

"And Barack Obama will give his big speech tomorrow night at Invesco Field, a football stadium, which is appropriate, considering how many times Democrats have fumbled in the past few years." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton gave a big speech at the Democratic in support of Barack Obama. Experts say it was the longest speech ever delivered entirely through clenched teeth." --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton spoke at the Democratic National Convention. And Bill Clinton was there and Hillary spoke, and Bill cheered and applauded during Hillary's speech, he was cheering and applauding, and so was his date." --David Letterman

"And then what they did, they showed an inspirational film about the political career of Hillary Clinton, and whoa -- moving, terribly dramatic and very insightful The name of the film about Hillary Clinton I believe was entitled 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuit.'" --David Letterman

"She must prove she loves America, as opposed to Republicans, who everyone knows love America. They just hate half the people living in it." –-Jon Stewart, on pundits calling for Michelle Obama to prove she is patriotic in her convention speech

"Michelle Obama said she's been in love with Barack ever since he took her on their first date and bought her ice cream. Isn't that sweet? Yeah, meanwhile, John McCain's wife Cindy says she's been in love with McCain ever since he hit her over the head with a club and dragged her back to his cave." --Conan O'Brien

"This is a weird story. At the Democratic Convention, Trojan Condoms has set up a pavilion where they're handing out thousands of free condoms. Yeah, apparently they're doing this in case John Edwards shows up." --Conan O'Brien

"The Democratic Convention, that's the big story. True story, at the convention, over 160 miles of copper and collapsible cable has been installed to accommodate all the cameras and microphones. 160 miles, yeah. Experts say there hasn't been this much cable laid at a convention since Bill Clinton was president." --Conan O'Brien

"This Thursday, Barack Obama is going to give his acceptance speech and, reportedly, it will include performances by Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen. And they say Obama's not black enough." --Conan O'Brien

"Tomorrow night at the Democratic Convention, to show her support for Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton is going to give a speech. Yeah, Hillary's speech is entitled 'Forget All Those Things I Said During The Primaries.'"

"The theme of the Democratic Convention is unity. Unfortunately they can't agree on how that works." --David Letterman

"The Democratic Convention is in Denver and security is tight out there. It is tighter than Nancy Pelosi's face." --David Letterman

"During the Democratic convention, this is true, delegates are being warned this year not to drink too much. They're being told not to drink too much, yeah. Yeah when asked why, Democratic officials said the last time we got drunk at a convention, we ended up nominating Walter Mondale." --Conan O'Brien

"Well, Democrats are furious, they're going on record now saying John Edwards will not be allowed to speak at the convention because of this affair. Yeah, instead speaking in his place: Bill Clinton. You have to put your foot down." --Jay Leno

"Well, the Democrats are now preparing for their convention in Denver, and they have hired the first ever director of greening. They say that this year that everything about their convention will be green, including nominating a candidate who's only been a senator for a couple of years." --Jay Leno

"Well, Bill Clinton has already promised to be there. He figures since the convention's being held in Denver, he can join the Mile High Club without ever leaving the ground." --Jay Leno

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
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