The 25 Funniest Quotes of 2006

25) "This week, on Tuesday night, in an ironic turnaround, Iraq brought regime change to the U.S." --Amy Poehler, on the 2006 elections

24) "I do have some sad news to report. Bjork could not be here. She was trying on her Oscars dress and Dick Cheney shot her." --Jon Stewart, hosting the Oscars (Read more)

23) "I feel very comfortable up here. The lighting could be better, but I can still see the whites of your eyes." --Vice President Dick Cheney, at the annual Radio & Television Correspondents' Association dinner (Read more)

22) "Would you rather go hunting with Dick Cheney or riding in a car over a bridge with Ted Kennedy? At least Cheney takes you to the hospital." --Talk radio host Rush Limbaugh

21) "I have the feeling about 60% of what you say is crap." --"Late Show" host David Letterman, to FOX News' Bill O'Reilly (Watch video clip)

20) "I actually get hit on more in Washington D.C. by Republicans that are drunk than I do by porno fans in Vegas." --Porn star Mary Carey, on attending a Republican fundraiser hosted by President Bush

19) "You still have to vote for us 'cause my opponent is a slug, and they're going to tax you into the poorhouse. On the way to the poorhouse, you'll meet a terrorist on every street corner. And when you try to run away from that terrorist, you will trip over an illegal immigrant.'" --Former President Bill Clinton, on the Republicans' 2006 campaign formula

18) "Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld announced he's stepping down. Rumsfeld said, 'I made the decision after it became clear that I couldn't do my job effectively -- and then I waited three years.'" --Conan O'Brien

17) “He a very wise man and very strong -- although perhaps not so strong as his father Barbara." --Borat, on President George W. Bush

16) "I figure there's nowhere to go from here but down. So tonight, I'm announcing my retirement from the United States Senate." --Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill), joking about his popularity the 2006 Gridiron dinner

15) "My No. 1 goal is to not go to jail." --Congresswoman-elect Michele Bachmann (R-MN), during "freshman orientation" for new members of Congress

14) "So where does the race stand now, with just over a month to go? (George) Allen has angered Blacks, Jews and Macacans, while (Jim) Webb has angered Women and The Horny. Virginia, now it's up to you to decide which one of these two men will help you build a bridge, to let's say, the early- to mid- 20th century." --Jon Stewart, on the Virginia Senate race

13) "Baseball, our national pastime, still lies under the shadow of steroid accusations. But I have faith in Baseball Commissioner George W. Bush when he says, "we will find the steroid users if we have to tap every phone in America." –"President" Al Gore, addressing the nation on Saturday Night Live (Watch video clip)

12) "I have had other offers. But, frankly, Jay, when you refuse to do nude scenes, it really cuts down on the opportunities. ... I just want to clarify. I have no plans to do a nude scene. I have no intention to do a nude scene. I don't expect to do a nude scene. But I haven't made a Shermanesque statement about it." --Former Vice President Al Gore, after Jay Leno asked him if we was entertaining other film offers after the success of An Inconvenient Truth

11) "When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday -- no matter what happened Tuesday." --Stephen Colbert, at the 2006 White House Corespondents Dinner