Hillary Clinton Jokes

"Yesterday, on a campaign trip, Hillary Clinton suggested that she knows how to deal with evil and bad men, like Osama bin Laden, because she had to put up with her husband. Which explains why Hillary wants to look for bin Laden at the nearest Hooters." --Conan O'Brien

"In Iowa yesterday, Hillary Clinton was shoring up support a mere year before that state's presidential caucus. She whipped the crowd into a frenzy with her new campaign slogan, 'Let The Conversation Begin.' This may not be the most politically correct thing to say, but I don't think that slogan's going to help you with men. ... I think the typical response would be, 'Now?' You might as well get on your campaign bus, The 'I Think We Really Need To Talk' Express, to unveil your new Iraq policy, 'America, Let's Pull Over And Just Ask For Directions.'" --Jon Stewart

"Hillary Clinton announced officially she will be running for president. Besides announcing her candidacy on the Internet, she's also selling all her old headbands on Craigslist." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Hillary Clinton announced she is running for president of the United States, which isn't a surprise to many people -- except maybe those who just voted her for a second term as senator." --Jay Leno

"It's official. Hillary Clinton is running for president of the United States. She said on her Web site, 'I'm in it to win.' That may seem obvious, but for Democrats running for president ... they have to keep reminding themselves." --Jay Leno

"Hillary says she has gotten hundreds of calls telling her to go out on the road and campaign for the next two years. And that's just from her husband, Bill." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton, senator from New York, announced she wants to be president. She would be our first female president ... if you don't count James Buchanan." --David Letterman

"Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home -- Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"Presidential experts say Hillary Clinton will soon form a presidential exploratory committee. Actually, that's not new. She's formed presidential exploratory committees before ... when trying to find her husband." --Jay Leno

"Senator Hillary Clinton was asked about President Bush and she said, 'I'm not going to believe this president again.' Yeah, Hillary said, to be fair, I stopped believing presidents ten years ago. Apparently she had a bad experience." --Conan O'Brien

"Big, big win for the Democrats. Senator Hillary Clinton's overwhelming victory has fueled speculation that she will run for president in 2008. In other words, there was some good news for Republicans." --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton's making calls, hiring staff and getting ready to travel to Iowa to launch her campaign. She'll be on the road nonstop for the next two years. How is Bill going to manage stuck home all alone? He's going to be heartbroken." --Jay Leno

"According to a new survey, Hillary Clinton's popularity rating is down to its lowest point in over a year. When Bill Clinton heard this, he said, 'If there's one thing Hillary can do, it's bring polls down.'" --Conan O'Brein

"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that to the bank." --Jay Leno

"A New Jersey company has developed an inhaler they say increases sex drive in women. They say it stimulates the brain to make you want to have sex with your partner. It's an inhaler. You know what the means? One day on the campaign trail, Hillary may be able to claim she never inhaled either." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic athlete. But she was not athletic enough. She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take women. She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy. Should she be telling people this story? I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't do anything else." --Jay Leno

"At the national portrait gallery in Washington, D.C. new portraits were unveiled of former President Clinton and First Lady Hillary Clinton. The Smithsonian said that the portraits of Bill and Hillary will not hang in the same room. Boy, talk about art reflecting life." --Jay Leno

"I'm surprised they did a portrait of Hillary. I thought maybe an ice sculpture would have been more appropriate." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said today that she didn't know her husband, Bill Clinton, was giving the Arabs advice on the port deal while she was ruling against it. Can you believe that? Hillary was clueless about a major political event. You know what that means. she could really be the next president of the United States." --Jay Leno

"More problems for Hillary Clinton. The head of New York state's leading gay rights group describes Hillary Clinton as a disappointment on samesex marriage. Today, her husband bill described her as a disappointment on opposite sex marriage." --Jay Leno

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