Hillary Clinton Jokes

"Hillary also said in the book it was a challenge to forgive Bill, but she figured if Nelson Mandela could forgive, she could give it a try. Isn't that amazing? I didn't know Clinton hit on Mandela's wife." --Jay Leno

"Hillary said that one of the reasons she stayed with Bill so long is because no one can make her laugh like he does, especially when he says stuff like, 'I did not have sex with that woman.'" --Jay Leno

"In the book Hillary says she and President Clinton kept their marriage together through counseling. Yeah, that and living in different cities and never seeing each other." --Craig Kilborn

"Hillary Clinton kicked off her big thirty-city book tour to remind us what a private person she is. ... She had a big book signing party at Barnes & Noble and, listen to this, the first fifty people to show up got to sleep with Bill." --David letterman

"Hillary also said that she got advice from Jackie Kennedy. Jackie Kennedy warned her about the dangerous attractions around charismatic politicians. Jackie told her that Bill, like Jack Kennedy, had a personal magnetism that inspired strong feelings from people. Of course, Kennedy attracted good-looking women." --Jay Leno

"Hillary said during the Lewinsky scandal a lot of people reached out at her including the Dali Lama. The Dali Lama called her at the White House. He told her that Bill's ying and yang were out of balance. The Dali Lama told her Bill was spending too much time on his yang." --Jay Leno

"You know who should actually read this book, President Clinton. That way he can find out exactly what she doesn't know about so he can keep doing that." --Craig Kilborn

"Hillary Clinton has written a book and it's a 600-page memoir about her eight years in the White House. Six hundred pages, that's amazing. Not bad for a woman who, when she was there had no idea what was going on." --David Letterman

"Hillary's got this huge book, it's a memoir of her life and times at the White House. In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said 'I could hardly breath, I was gulping for air.' No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said." --David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton says that when President Clinton confessed to her about his affair, she wanted to, quote, 'Wring his neck.' Hillary decided against it when she realized choking Bill would only enhance his orgasm." --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton's book hits the stores this Monday. Oh boy, it took her a long time to write it. But in her defense, every time she tried to use the desk, Bill was always using it for a date." --Jay Leno

"Hillary told Barbara Walters that Clinton came to her bedside one morning, woke her up to confess and she said she was shocked. Not that he lied, but that Clinton even knew where her bedroom was." --Jay Leno

"Barbara said that she was surprised Hillary Clinton agreed to the interview because Barbara had done the interview with Monica Lewinsky. But Walters says that she believes that as far as Hillary Clinton is concerned Monica is behind her, as opposed to Bill who always felt that Monica was beneath him." --Jay Leno

"The A&E network is making a movie about Senator Hillary Clinton and they want Sharon Stone to play Hillary Clinton. Which explains why President Clinton has volunteered to play himself." --Conan O'Brien

"The word is that Bill Clinton is so distraught over Hillary's new book that he's been drinking. Sweet Lord, we've seen the chicks he hits on when he's sober!" --Craig Kilborn

"Hillary said that after Bill admitted the affair with Monica he would spend time alone with Buddy, the dog. He would spend all his time with Buddy the dog. At least that's how he told her he got those scratches on his back." --Jay Leno

"It's a fascinating book. Hillary said that after Clinton admitted to the affair she yelled at him. She said 'Why did you lie to me?' And he said 'You mean this time?'" --Jay Leno

"In her new book, Hillary said that for months she accepted Bill Clinton's story that Monica was just an intern who would come to him asking for help in finding a job. And of course, he wasted no time in finding a position for her." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs comes out next week. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you'll want to sleep with an intern." --Craig Kilborn

"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts." --Jay Leno

"There is a cold front moving across the country. Yeah, it's Hillary starting her book tour." --Craig Kilborn

"The word is that when Bill read the book he wept when he finished it. The last chapter is titled 'The Castration.'" --Craig Kilborn "Hillary Clinton has written a big book. It's her memoirs about her life in the White House. And she's going to be on the Barbara Walters show. They give Hillary a radical makeover and she's inadvertently hit on by Bill." --David Letterman

"Congratulations to New York Senator Hillary Clinton. She is publishing her book of memoirs of her years in the White House. You know she was there for eight years. It's quite a volume, 600-pages, that's an enormous book. I mean, the thing weighs almost enough for her husband to date." --David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton has finished writing her book where she says her marriage couldn't be stronger, and Bill just finished his book titled 'Chicks I Nailed While Hillary was Writing Her Book.'" --Craig Kilborn

"Word has it that Hillary Clinton will finish her memoirs much earlier than Bill. Hillary's book is called 'Get Off Of Her and Start Writing.'" --Craig Kilborn