Immigration Jokes

"Have you been watching the Senate debating the immigration bill? It's great. Every time somebody says 'undocumented worker,' Ted Kennedy does a tequila shot." --David Letterman

"President Bush is down in Mexico right now. Again, I don't think President Bush gets it. As soon as he stepped off Air Force Once, he looked around and said, 'Wow, you got a big problem with Mexican immigrants down here, too.'" --Jay Leno

"This past week there were half a million illegal immigrants on the streets of Los Angeles and that was before the protests. That was Friday. ... Half a million people? It looked like career day at Wal-Mart." --Jay Leno

"The big immigration bill is dead for now. Some are saying the Republicans didn't really want this bill because it's really more useful for them to have a wedge issue of illegal aliens, the same way they had gay marriage in 2004. That poor Ricky Martin. He just can't catch a break." --Bill Maher

"Proponents of this amnesty program for illegal immigrants say they are willing to take on jobs American are not willing to do. You know, like come up with an immigration policy." --Jay Leno

"President Bush surprised 30 immigrants by showing up and personally swearing them in as U.S. citizens. ... There was an awkward moment when President Bush said, 'You may now kiss the bride.'" --Conan O'Brien