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Jay Leno's Best Bush Jokes

Best Jokes About President Bush From 'The Tonight Show With Jay Leno'

By

Tonight Show Host Jay Leno

Jay Leno, taking pot shots at our commanders in chief

NBC
See Also:
Leno's Best Obama Jokes
Leno's Best Clinton Jokes

"A new poll shows that only one out of four people approve of the job President Bush is doing. One out of four. That means, when he's having dinner with his wife and two daughters, he's the only one at the table who thinks he's doing a good job." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said that the people who are attacking our forces in Iraq are getting more and more desperate because we’re making so much progress. So just remember, the worse it gets, the better it is." --Jay Leno

"Tomorrow, America will get to hear those four words we've been waiting for, 'former President George Bush,' President Bush said he is leaving Washington with his head held high, because it is the best way to spot shoes that are coming at you." --Jay Leno

"It was reported in the paper that President Bush received a 'warm reception' from the Daytona 500 drivers. Well sure, the drivers had never met anyone who was sponsored by more oil companies than they were." --Jay Leno

"An aide to the prime minister of Canada called President Bush a moron. Well that's not fair. Here's a guy who never worked a day in his life, got rich off his Dad's money, lost the popular vote and ended up president. That's not a moron, that's genius!" --Jay Leno

"President Bush said catching a 7.5 pound fish was his best moment since becoming president. You know the sad thing, a lot of historians would agree with that." --Jay Leno

"President Bush's campaign is now attacking John Kerry for throwing away some of his medals to protest the Vietnam War. Bush did not have any medals to throw away, but in his defense he did have all his services records thrown out." --Jay Leno

"Things not looking good for President Bush. His approval rating has dropped so low the only thing he's above now is the law." --Jay Leno

"President Bush says America has caused an incredible transformation in Afghanistan. He said everything's being rebuilt, people are getting jobs, kids are going back to school. He said it works so well that he's thinking of trying it in New Orleans." --Jay Leno

"Bush fell off his bike while mountain biking on his ranch over the weekend. He hit a rough spot in the trail. There's a switch -- the environment hurting Bush." --Jay Leno

"Not only will Condoleezza Rice testify, but President Bush has also agreed to meet with the 9/11 commission. He's going to testify, but he said he wants to have Dick Cheney there with him. Why does he want Cheney with him? What? Does he have a learner's permit to be president and have to have an adult with him." --Jay Leno

"The Washington Post reported that if you add up all the time Bush has spent in Texas, he's there for a whole month. Then you add up all the time he spends at Camp David, and his parents house in Maine and add up all the travel time getting to and from these places, and it adds up to 42 percent of his presidency. In fact, he'd actually have to win a second term just to complete his first term." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said today he would like America to establish a permanent base on the moon. This is all part of his plan to get Americans used to an environment where the air is un-breathable and there are no trees." --Jay Leno

"President Bush threw out the first ball the other night at the Washington Nationals home opener. Boy, wasn't is nice to see Bush throwing out something other than the Constitution?" --Jay Leno

"President Bush spoke at a campaign rally in support of John McCain. They raised millions and millions of dollars, most of which will be used to repair the damage of President Bush supporting John McCain at a campaign rally. So it's kind of a wash" --Jay Leno

"Did you all have a nice Presidents' Day yesterday? President Bush marked the occasion in his usual way -- by ignoring the other two branches of government." --Jay Leno

"The good news is last night President Bush finally admitted he's made mistakes in Iraq. The bad news is he's planning to make the same mistakes again." --Jay Leno

"The White House has now released military documents that they say prove George Bush met his requirements for the National Guard. Big deal, we've got documents that prove Al Gore won the election." --Jay Leno

"Critics are now saying that his dad got him out of going to Vietnam. However, his dad did get him to go to Iraq." --Jay Leno

"Bush is smart. I don't think that Bush will ever be impeached, 'cause unlike Clinton, Reagan, or even his father, George W. is immune from scandal. Because, if George W. testifies that he had no idea what was going on, wouldn't you believe him?" --Jay Leno

"The Bush Administration said there will be a delay in restoring a newly elected democratic government in Iraq. However, they said the delay will not be as long as the one we have had in this country." --Jay Leno

"George W. Bush has been invoking a lot of Bible imagery. He said Jesus also had 20 missing years and never held a job he couldn't get through his dad.'' --Jay Leno

"Did you know, when President Bush is in Australia, his approval rating goes down the drain counter-clockwise." --Jay Leno

"Plans were announced to raise $300 million for the George W. Bush Presidential Library. $300 million. That's almost $150 million per book." --Jay Leno

"The White House now has disputed allegations by members of the House Intelligence Committee that President Bush went to war with Iraq based on vague intelligence. Of course he did. Everything Bush does is based on vague intelligence." --Jay Leno

"President Bush was munching on some pretzels when he choked and fainted. All this time we were worrying about Osama bin Laden, turns out he was almost done-in by Mr. Salty." --Jay Leno

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

Next > Leno's Best Clinton Jokes

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